Well, the rear light should be easy, the ERR kit provides that capability. In order for this to work correctly, you have to program the engine type for steam with smoke. After setting the TMCC ID, while still in PGM mode, key AUX1/4 and then switch to RUN mode. If you do this correctly, the rear light will be on for reverse and the headlight will be on all the time.
With any TMCC with the R2LC or R4LC, the headlight is on with power, that you can't change without adding some additional capability (read more circuitry).
You can, of course, simply turn the headlight off before shutting down, that setting will be remembered the next time you power up. Then you use the headlight toggle to turn it back on after you start-up.