Hiding Train Purchases from Spouse

On the advice of my lawyer, I wish to exercise my 5th amendment rights ...

Gilly

It is easier to ask for forgiveness than to ask for permission.  

Not in my house!!!!! Honesty is the best policy. The only problem is when you pre order it has been taking a year to a year and a half to get the items. My wife sometimes forgets I told her I ordered the items. Then it never fails and all the items come at once. Instead of a spaced out bill it becomes a big chunk if change.    

I buy trains my girlfriend buys from Zulilly....we have an agreement...whatever keeps us happy..

My wife knows I spend a lot of trains - and other things (sports cars, books, etc.).  All the other things get taken care of first and our retirement is fully funded, as they say, so she is okay with it.  

A credit card receipt from a "live dancer revue" bar, and I'd be dead, but another charge to modeltrainstuff.com or my local LHS, no.

After forty-nine years there are no secrets. None in the beginning and none now.

First wife....fit the classic disparaging spousal premise perfecty.  (Hey, we all make bad decisions from time-to-time, right?!)

My present spouse?  She is as much...if not more!...into trains than I!!! Her latest purchase?....LTC O gauge Girl's Train (for her, an 'Easter Train'!) + add-on cars....arrived this week!  And that's because she saw the standard gauge version running at the April York meet at MTH's booth!!  (A couple years ago, the same thing happened...same booth...but with the standard gauge Blue Comet set....which she promptly ordered!!!)

Having a spouse participate with you as enthusiastically as she does in a shared hobby makes ALL the difference in a marriage.....believe me!! 

Now, regarding some of the 'flip-side' stuff...  We have date-night every Friday evening.  Included in that is an obligatory trip to her favorite department store and the ladies departments....dresses, shoes, casual wear, jewelry, etc..  OK, so I'm probably equally unusual in finding enjoyment in seeing her revel in the choices and make purchases.  Anyway, she manages the family finances....all of them.  And, with the exception of a couple purchases on contract at zero percent interest, we are debt-free...thanks in large part to her management skill/choices.

She's a keeper....and beautiful, too!  I am blessed, for sure!

My wife used to be into trains with me as far as going to York and wanting the trains up at Christmas.  Not like running the trains.  But, not so much any more.  However, as far as me buying trains she doesn't care as long as I have the money to pay for them.  She says buy as many as you like cause when I die she is going to sell them all and move to Hawaii.

Rick

where's that little icon thing that says "hail to the chief!"

You are a lucky dog!

Me,..... I built a bigger shed out back now. I wish it had it's own driveway for deliveries.

My girl was into the first ten engines. That was along time ago.

To paraphrase the rock group The Eagles: "There ain't no way to hide your Lionels!"

John Knapp

Erie, not Eerie

I have a cc just for trains it gets paid off every month. it's only used on trains and it helps me limit what I purchace when it's maxed I'm done for the month. to bad I keep using 3 cards but I pay them off every month. this month one went to my son. the other went to her for mothers day. so my normal limit was lower this month. but my wife is perfectly fine with it she says. I work hard for it and deserve it .it was her idea to send a Thomas set to a little boy with autism. here is the first time he played with it.

Been there with that one. Two engines I ordered showed up almost a year afterward. Showed the catalog photo and she remembered.

As for the "sneaking", this has traditionally been a "fishing story" where the sneaking technique is substituted for "the big one that got away."

Where is Scott Smith! Paging Scott Smith!! 

My wife encourages to buy MORE! and then says... "Are we chasing the 4014 today?"

and I'm the one that has to say NO

Hide it from the wife?...Are you kidding?...The second that ring goes on the finger it becomes some sort of mystical radar that nothing can escape...  She generally is pretty cool with things...until a few hundred feet of track showed up the other day... aaaaand that was the look on my face. 

I try to keep my wife and kids familiar with my trains and other stuff that will have some value when I am gone. Of course, the way train prices are going there might not be much value in the trains when the day comes.

I have the opposite problem, when we go to shows or hobby shops, If I see something that's interesting and I pick it up to look at it my wife says. "do you want that?"

I say No I was just looking, and she says "But Ill buy it for you"

I say I don't want it, I was just looking. So Ive started keeping my hands in my

pockets or making sure she is not around when Im "Looking" at stuff.

LOL LEE!!!!  I have the same kind of thinking WIFE!!!.  She said that when I'm in the ground she'll have a table at YORK.  Selling engines for $150 bucks and rolling stock for $10 bucks.  She'll be taking a nice cruise somewhere?

If you are truly hiding large purchases from your wife (trains or anything else) your marriage has severe issues and you should probably spend less time in the basement and more time with your spouse. 

My wife likes the fact I am into trains.  She thinks it's cute.  

We have separate accounts anyway, (both of us are remarried professionals) so she really doesn't care what I spend.

My wife is very supportive of my train purchases, especially when she buys train goodies for me.

The only problem is when funds are limited and/or low, then no trains are bought for a while.

My wife likes trains as, I do, because as children, my wife used to run her brother's train set, more than he did.

If, I see an item which is costly, I try to save up for it, but still confer with my wife, before any purchases are made.

Ralph

My method required a bit of homework. If I saw something I wanted in "O" Scale, I would find the identical item in HO or N in a magazine. Naturally it was less expensive.

Worked right up to the divorce!!

Before too many of you confess in this thread, please be aware that us women see all, hear all, and know how to read forums. 

No, we are both into our hobby and enjoy (like all of you) new additions to our O-Gauge layout. Notice I say "our". We hold a meeting of our Product Acquisition Committee that has proved to be very successful in making good choices. 

Nicole,

Your points are well taken.  I would like to add to your list.  Women have an extremely acute sense of smell.  Women also have very acute hearing.  My wife is a retired teacher.  Therefore she has eyes in the back of her head!  She sees all and knows all that is going on in her house,period. 

Having said this,I am fortunate that my wife fully accepts my o gauge hobby--I'm a lucky guy!

Norm 

When I was married, I never hid any trains. Everything was out in the open. Now, she would get mad, but I always offered to share whatever information was not readily transparent. I keep a lot of records. Never once did she make an inquiry.

Now, I've been single five years and I concluded her issues were intertwined with her change of life and trains--her complaints--were a smokescreen, precisely because they were out in the open and everything was transparent. They made an easy target, although, in retrospect, she knew I was always home and not out gambling, womanizing,  drinking, etc. But trains became a metaphor for something real only to her. 

My son and I run our trains, as if nothing changed (and it didn't) except ding, dong the wicked witch is dead (as a metaphor). 

If you're hiding stuff from your wife you've got some serious issues that need to be worked out. You also lose any right to be angry if she hides something from you. My wife and I each have an allowance that we get to spend on whatever we want. Keeps it simple. Every now and then she'll let me get some train stuff from the household bank account since my daughter likes to run the trains, my boy likes to watch them and that keeps the three of us out of her hair.  

 Yeah, it's a real problem.  I'm forever opening some drawer or container in some remote corner of the house and finding a train my wife hid there God-knows-how-long-ago and then when I show it to her she denies everything - what's a model train buff to do? 

Every time I buy a new train she'll call her friends and then they will call their two friends.... and then look what happens....

Oh, I'm fine with my wife selling off whatever I had when in my (non train rleated) collection when I'm gone. I just don't want her giving the stuff away or getting robbed out of ignorance. She should get as much out of it as she can as that was her money too (we both work).

I'm assuming that the main point of this thread is meant to be humorous or I agree that it is an indication of a bigger problem with your marriage. 

Art

I handle all the finances, so as long as the bills are being paid and there's money in the bank, my wife isn't interested in knowing what's going on in my numerous hobbies.  Now, if there's a month where funds are tighter (like when insurance premiums or property taxes are due), I just let her know and we both back off from extraneous purchases.  Sounds cliche, but communication is key!

Regarding not knowing what something is worth and accidentally selling low--while there seems to be animosity toward eBay on this forum, you (or your loved ones) will always be able to get what the market is willing to pay by selling in that setting.

I tell her all what I want to do, and if she's not okay with it she'll guilt me and because I'm a good husband that loves his wife more than trains, I'll not do it.  It's better all around as she's happy and I'm happy, and I can still play with trains and not feel guilty for trying to hide things from her.

my wife has never squawked at what i drag home form a train show or get off the bay. as long as she get's equal time in her contry stores or antique shops. i have a WBB N&W J Class because of her. We had just come from her favorite contry store, and I paused a little too long at the display case and she called the salesman over and she "made" me buy it...

after we got our will done a couple years ago, i told and the daughters that when i go don't rush into selling the trains and my old car. Not that they can retire to Hawaii, but get a fair price on the stuff.

There once was time, when all my sons had no ability to hide anything.  Ms. SHERLOCK Severin could "read the ashes" so-to-speak.  Nothing could be safely hidden, stashed, or other-wise procured and kept in secret.  Now, the sons are all grown, and have moved on to their own respective lives.  So, the investigative procedures have turned my way.  No matter how I try to spirit my things away, they are ultimately located and I am confronted with the reality of my ill-gotten purchases.  Alas, I have ceased to even try.  Fortunately, there are no serious lectures for train purchases, only the oft repeated phrase, "are you done now?"

Yes dear, I respond, only to soon discover, yet another, must have possession.

All I can say is my wife gave in to my buying toy trains many years ago. We just celebrated our 30th anniversary on 05/12/2014. She will comment to her friends that I am still a child.

Pat

WWW.PATSTRAINS.COM

quote:

Regarding not knowing what something is worth and accidentally selling low--while there seems to be animosity toward eBay on this forum, you (or your loved ones) will always be able to get what the market is willing to pay by selling in that setting.

That is not necessarily true.
In order to get a good price on Ebay the seller has to take good photographs, write a good description, post the listing in the proper category, and have some good Ebay feedback history.

I have a buddy who is very good at picking up bargains on Ebay because he knows how to look for poorly listed items. And I've gotten lucky myself a few times.

My "lucky" buddy also sells on Ebay, and he keeps his wife involved in the process. When the time comes, she would be able to carry on. Assuming I am still around (I am younger than he), she certainly could come to be with any questions about a particular item, but I doubt she'd need to.