Trains Can Help Your Marriage

My wife was fascinated by the H0 trackless trolley I used to run at Christmas, and loved watching the sparks as it's poles rolled across the wires. When it died one year after we were married, she almost went into mourning, and by the next Christmas, was telling me constantly how much she missed it and enjoyed it. On Christmas day, my father and I split the costs and gifted her with an LGB Tram, and she stayed up half the night watching it go round.

A year later, we were at a show and had split up while looking at different  Gauges, and she came running up and said "I just saw something I really like and it's so cute and it's only nineteen ninety five!", and dragged me to the other end of the hall to show me a 400E Blue Comet. I had to point out to her that there was no decimal point between the nines.

Nope, I haven't had any clashes over toy trains in the 39 years we've been married.

“Should have bought a train.”

Words to live by. A very wise man spoke these words when another purchased an engagement ring. LOL.

My wife likes that I keep myself busy in my attic working on my trains in my retirement. As I complete one task or another I come down for "show and tell". She is a good sounding board for assessing the work and making suggestions.  Almost 30 years ago (we've been married 36 years), she bought me a load of lumber for me to use to build a layout in the attic. Best birthday present I ever got. 😁

So blessed are some of you are whose wives really like trains. Great stories, and thanks for sharing them.

Mine doesn't. Mine tolerates, but is totally uninvolved, with my trains, except when my granddaughters, now 3 and 9 years old, show some interest, and to the extent she knows my trains keep my spirits up. Also, she thinks trains are a good thing because of the connections I've made with you folks on the Forum, and because she knows that the trains are very good therapy for me, especially because of the stress that my livelihood sometimes puts me under.

So, keep those stories coming about how trains can help the marriages of those whose spouses are involved, and those whose spouses are uninvolved. with the hobby.

Arnold

Fortunately, my marriage has worked out well irrespective of my trains. However, many years ago, I was a pilot, which led me to be out of the house much of the time. So, despite the expense, my wife much prefers me to be downstairs with the trains, where I am available at a moment's notice.

MELGAR

Another interesting topic Arnold...

My wife has a high level of tolerance, since I've taken over our upstairs living room.  She's certainly more artistic (auto correct tried to say 'attractive' so I'll say that's true too) Than I am, so scenery and its placement gets run by the committee (wife & kids) for approval first.

  Melgar brings up an interesting point as well.  My wife and I don't mind our individual alone time at all.  But being a working pilot, away for 3-4 days a week, when I come home she misses me and there's always a nice reunion over dinner, or with the kids.  She likes having the chance to "miss me" - she's a unique woman  

  If I've had a particularly bad week at work, weather/delays etc...she knows watching a little choo choo go around when I get home, is faster and works better than just about anything else at calming my nerves.  

Tom

My wife can't wait for the new catalogs. She used to sit at the table with a magic marker and mark what she thought we should get. She has picked out 50% of the rolling stock and many of the buildings. She wants to put a few together and is looking forward to doing the scenery.

Tom, I think your narrative is a very romantic one. I am sure you have a spectacular marriage to an extaordinary woman who is fine with your train layout being in the living room. You reciprocate beautifully by seriously considering the needs of your wife and kids and making decisions by committee regarding the trains in the living room.

Interesting that we have 2 contributions by pilots, one a current professional one, Tom, and one a prior one who did not do it as his livelihood, Melgar.

What extraordinarily interesting people we have on this Forum.

Arnold

Mrs. 'Ski couldn't care less about the trains but she is happy with the relationships that sprang up from this hobby. We frequently socialize with several train friends and their wives, going out to eat or dinner parties at one another's houses.

BUT, she always says beforehand " When you and the guys go downstairs DON'T GET LOST DOWN THERE!". I guess that the women folk miss us after an hour or so.

It was good for my marriage. When I was in the train accumulation stage, my wife would ask what I spent on trains. Particularly after a good haul at York. I'd tell her and she would go to the jeweler.

Now I am a half year in Florida (during the winter) and my trains are in NJ, I have way too many trains. However, she heard me tell a friend I liked an engine in the new Lionel catalog. But that I just couldn't even begin to justify getting it. (Justification was NEVER an issue during the accumulation stage.) While I was on the phone with my friend she asked how much it was. It was $1,500. She told me I should get it. I'm not doing that, but I think she misses the days when I would get trains and she would get jewelry.

Gerry

I'm LMAO reading some of these.

I have a marriage, not another mother telling me what I can and cannot do. We are a family that enjoys each other’s interests.

I not sure about helping my marriage but after 38 years she has accepted the trains she even now encourages me to work on the layout and have train buddies over to help and run trains. Then she gets to go sewing more often. I tease her that she signed prenuptial that she could be replaced but not the trains

Rod,

From these posts it sounds like most "train guys" have made good choices picking spouses. As long as our hobby does not take anything from the family, I see no harm or reason for spousal complaints.

I have a friend who whenever he buys trains leaves them in the trunk of his car in the garage. In the middle of the night, or when the Mrs. is not home, he will retrieve them and bring them down to the train room. I always thought this to be a sad situation.

@Lionelski posted:

Rod,

From these posts it sounds like most "train guys" have made good choices picking spouses. As long as our hobby does not take anything from the family, I see no harm or reason for spousal complaints.

I have a friend who whenever he buys trains leaves them in the trunk of his car in the garage. In the middle of the night, or when the Mrs. is not home, he will retrieve them and bring them down to the train room. I always thought this to be a sad situation.

John, maybe we made good choices in the spouses we picked because we developed that skill hunting for the best trains at train shows. LOL, Arnold

When my wife and I were dating, I said “I have a confession to make.”  Seeing the puzzled — or was it “concerned” — look on her face, I explained, “I collect trains.” “Oh, that’s ok,” she said.  “Mmm... you don’t understand,” I added, and proceeded to show her the spare room layout and display with its walk-in closet filled floor to ceiling with boxes of trains and accessories.  “Oh... I see.  Well, there are worse things to spend your money on... I mean it’s not like your hanging out in bars pursuing other women.”  I knew right then she was a keeper!  We often joke with folks that she married me because I owned a railroad... several, in fact 🤣

"Only" 31 years in and my wife is very supportive of the hobby.  She is a great help when the club sets up or tears down the layout at shows and has even taken to handling some of the decorating for our shows.  She encourages me to buy something, if it is an interesting or rare item, because she knows that I will regret it if I blink and someone else swoops in and buys it.  She likes to call a couple of "my" locomotives "hers" and I let her have that.  I am blessed!

Dennis

@romiller49 posted:

I have a marriage, not another mother telling me what I can and cannot do. We are a family that enjoys each other’s interests.

Nicely put Rod!

The trains didn't do anything good for my first marriage. One day my ex said "It's either me or those flippin' trains!" At first I kind of missed her........!

My current life partner is much more tolerant. And it really helps us socially distance; me in the basement and her upstairs watching TV. I once asked her if she wanted to join me at the layout and we could run trains together. Haha, I'll never forget the look on her face. I'd love to know just what thought crossed her mind; hmmm, well maybe it's best that I don't. Anyway she tolerates my hobby, and a few other things in life that I am passionate about, so I guess we are good. Though just how I find my way to where I am going when I drive alone, still escapes me.......haha.

Rod

My wife knows that I'll be at home sniffing ozone and old lubricant from a vintage engine rather than sniffing perfume off of some young chick's neck.

You guys are proving my theory about how trains can enhance a marriage. We may be on to something BIGTIME here.

Most recently, meaning the last 2 years, my wife, who works long hours as a fundraiser for a children's center, has returned to her roots for her hobby, which is acting. Before I knew her, she acted in theater productions in grade school, high school, college and even Summer Stock. She was a drama major in college.

Two years ago, she started taking an acting class, and now does it virtually because of Covid via Zoom.  She spends considerable time doing the weekly class every Tuesday night and rehearsing for it between classes.

This works out beautifully because whenever she does her acting, I say, "Great, that means train time for me," so everyone is happy. Arnold

Told this story a few times on the forum..

First marriage (24 years, 11 months, 25 days) was much as Rod Stewart stated above...

First date with my current (second, and last) wife we discussed interests, hobbies, travels, etc..  When I mentioned the trains her eyes grew big as saucers.   She confided that her two brothers got the trains at Christmas, she got the Barbie/clothes...somewhat envious of the guys.  Trains was all we talked about the rest of the first date.

Fast forward a couple short years...I joined TCA to go to a York meet, she wholly, excitedly in agreement.  And dontcha know?...her registration number was on the door prize list.  Beeline to be first to the pile, selected a Lionel Christmas train set.  (I swear I heard heavenward laughing sounds!)

We miss York.  She did all the planning, much of the spending.  She also seemed to have a way of bending the negotiations to our advantage!  I remember one purchase in particular.  We had acquired a Dreyfus NYC Hudson, needed a train.  She found a complete set (6-15326 + S/S Diner) in Brown Hall, but it was nearly closing time Thursday, and passed on it.  Well, it became a near-obsession of thought that night.  Next morning?...beeline, again, to Brown Hall.  She negotiated an amazing deal.  Helped to start packing it up with the seller.  Two guys walked up...'Has this been sold?', pointing to the set.  She, grinning ear-to-ear:"Yes it has!"

The ENTIRE basement is full of trains/layout.  So are many of the display shelves in the living room and spare bedrooms.  Even a gorgeous Howard Fogg print graces the wall above the grand piano!  The berm in the backyard sports the beginnings of a garden railroad...hers!  The LHS calls upon her to assist/counsel folks/customers in disposing of trains (et alia) items in estates.

We just celebrated our 23d anniversary in December.  Whereas I've been in this hobby all my life...I mean ALL my life!...,she is now totally immersed and supportive.  In fact, she knows enough about the details to hold her own in a discussion with 'the guys' regarding aspects, variations, solutions, history, etc..

In short, she is the perfect partner in this marriage.

BTW...beautiful, loving, kind, and benevolent to the core, too!  (And a dash of craziness!)

Thank you, Lord!!

KDDeb

We ve been married for 42 yrs. I have the classic cars,1 race car. I bought them before marriage. Now, about 20 yrs ago I decided to start the hobby with the ogauge trains. I witnessed men retiring and just 'vegetating'.  Just today the wife said can you get a pet store,or a jewelry store? Sooo that's next. The wife has also said you couldnt have picked the 2 most expensive hobbies. I was down stairs everyday for awhile just working on repairs. The wife shops,I'm home.Unless I head to Lennies!

@Arnold D. Cribari posted:

The opposite can be true too.

However, in this thread, we will focus on the positive and share how model railroading can help one's marriage.

I can speak with some authority on this subject because, as many of you already know, I have been a divorce lawyer for 43 years, and been married to my one and only wife for 42 of those years.

My wife. Shawn, actually said many years ago about something very fundamental about how my model railroading was good for our marriage. She said about me: well at least I know he is in the basement of our home when he's playing with his trains, instead of gallivanting around town with some blonde. By the way, Shawn is a brunette. LOL.

I bet the wives of many of you guys have said the same thing about you.

A few more things come to my mind, but before I share those, I will give you folks a chance to have some fun and share how your trains have helped your marriage.

Arnold

Many years ago we raised our kids in a 3 bedroom, 800 sq ft house. When the kids were grown, I suggested that we move into a little bigger house. The neighbor had got a little rougher and break-ins were becoming more common. 

Taking my quest for a new house on the road for several weeks, I had come across a home which I thought was pretty nice. My wife was at work when I called her to suggest that after work she might want to look at it. She asked me if I wanted to put an offer on it and I suggested that she might want to see it first. She asked me if my trains would fit and I replied yes. It was 1500 sq. ft. She said go make the offer.

When I got back to the realtor, the house was sold. Short story. I asked the realtor to find the builder. Which he did. I bought a lot and built a house a year later. The layout is 900 square ft, which has more space than the house we raised the kids in.

The trains fit.

I am like most of you. She knows I am in the basement or at the club. Due to health issues,  I do most of the cooking and other honey dews. She just says another package arrived and we smile.

My wife says “ you have more train porn” , when a box arrives ...

i was sent a Christmas card and thank you note from an eBay vendor 😂🤦‍♂️

my wife  modified a meme for me and my Train Master buying 😂

I love my wife ❤️

It really helps a marriage if she lets you run her trains.

Charlie

Arnold,

I am among the very fortunate.  My wife has never asked me how much a new locomotive, passenger set, rolling stock, accessory, transformer, etc. cost.  In fact, with exception of 2 of the new Lionel 0-6-0T's, I have not made any purchases, over the last 2+ years and she is dissapointed.  She frequently tells me I should get this, or that, new locomotive.  I should probably go through the new Lionel catalog and make her happy.

George

I'm 64 married 28 yrs 1st marriage
My layout has been in the attic for 22 or so years
My wife doesn't mind at all
I have 15 or so MTH railking locos and she has easily bought me well over half of them for a birthday or Christmas pressent.
Almost everything up there has a nice memory behind the both of us acquiring it
She does not come up very often.
I balance my time up there for when she is doing something herself
One thing I find interesting on this forum,when threads of this type about layouts come up,they don't get all that many replys.
There was a thread years ago about giving everybody a picture tour leading up to and around the train room and narrating it,and surprisingly didn't have that many posts.

Irrespective of model railroading, I do know that the lives and work schedules of real railroaders haven't always been good for marriages and families. Still love trains, though, but real railroading isn't an easy career path by any means.

@Transman posted:

I'm 64 married 28 yrs 1st marriage
My layout has been in the attic for 22 or so years
My wife doesn't mind at all
I have 15 or so MTH railking locos and she has easily bought me well over half of them for a birthday or Christmas pressent.
Almost everything up there has a nice memory behind the both of us acquiring it
She does not come up very often.
I balance my time up there for when she is doing something herself
One thing I find interesting on this forum,when threads of this type about layouts come up,they don't get all that many replys.
There was a thread years ago about giving everybody a picture tour leading up to and around the train room and narrating it,and surprisingly didn't have that many posts.

Joe,

A word of advice, If ya want to keep a good wife, I'd stop using the phrase "1st marriage" if I were you.

@Lionelski posted:

Joe,

A word of advice, If ya want to keep a good wife, I'd stop using the phrase "1st marriage" if I were you.

Ah, come on!  That's an old standby joke I use when I introduce my wife to someone: "this is my first wife..."

@MELGAR posted:

Fortunately, my marriage has worked out well irrespective of my trains. However, many years ago, I was a pilot, which led me to be out of the house much of the time. So, despite the expense, my wife much prefers me to be downstairs with the trains, where I am available at a moment's notice.

MELGAR

Mel, who did you fly for, commercial airline ?

@Lionelski posted:

Rod,

From these posts it sounds like most "train guys" have made good choices picking spouses. As long as our hobby does not take anything from the family, I see no harm or reason for spousal complaints.

I have a friend who whenever he buys trains leaves them in the trunk of his car in the garage. In the middle of the night, or when the Mrs. is not home, he will retrieve them and bring them down to the train room. I always thought this to be a sad situation.

Sad but true for many.

@MartyE posted:

“Should have bought a train.”

Words to live by. A very wise man spoke these words when another purchased an engagement ring. LOL.

And the trains outlived the marriage!  MartyE speaks the truth!

@dkdkrd posted:

In short, she is the perfect partner in this marriage.

BTW...beautiful, loving, kind, and benevolent to the core, too!  (And a dash of craziness!)

Thank you, Lord!!

KDDeb

I hope you don't mind me saying... I'm jealous!
I hope your good fortune lasts your lifetime.
I can't discuss what happened with my former marriage (40 years), but she is happy now and that is good.  Me?  Well, I still have the trains.
Dennis