Wow fun thread. I'll jump in to get ripped apart as well.
As for toy trains, any hammer blow seen from the 90 degree crank offset and the light weight model drive rods would be incredibly small. Also since the actual drive is through some form of gear reduction from an electric motor its just not the same thing. If your engine is wobbling look for a mechanical problem.
irl cross balancing does work on two piston locomotives up to the design speed. However even a reasonably well maintained large steam locomotive will show much higher forces at the rails then a diesel electric consist of similar horsepower. Reference ace 3000 research trials with c and o 614. Also many European locomotives had 3 and 4 cylinder drive to reduce the weight of the drive rods and spread out the force applied locations to every 120 or 90 degrees. Big UP 12 driver engines had 3 cylinder drive in the US .
The baby is back to sleep now so I'm going back to bed .