Model Trains and Parents Don't mix

And I would like to state for the fact. It happens when I want to buy anything with MY money that I earned! My parents say that you can spend it on anything you want but, they always yell at me when I do get something. 

My parrents have this idea:

 

If you are running trains, then you will not be in trouble.  And you are at home.  Are your parents alergic to trains?

yes it seems they are and they have admitted that they hate for me to talk about trains and for me to bring them around the house............ should I just pull the plug and not worry about them until I get out on my own?

Josh,

 

Is there a club or group with adults near you?  Possibly by joining in and finding a sympathetic adult who could talk to your parents might help alieviate some of the tension.   Are you in Scouting?  I know there is a merit badge for Railroading, maybe there is a Scout Leader that could intervene on your behalf.  What are your habits otherwise, do you get along with your folks otherwise?  If so, try to reason that this is the only thing you differ on and why does it bother them so much.

 

Good luck!

You have a really unfortunate situation there, and have my sympathy.  You have to get along with the parents, as unfair as it seems since you're using your own money.

 

If they'll allow you to run what you have, continue with that.  Perhaps subscribe to one of the magazines and stay on the forums in order to stay current.

 

And if you are away from home for an extended period, e.g. military service or college, store them with someone reliable or I'll bet they'll "disappear".  This has happened to many people.

 

Best of luck, and remember, when you're older there will be ample trains around for your shopping pleasure.

Josh

    sorry to here what your parents are putting you through. I am 42 and a father of a 14 year old girl and wish she was into trains. Your parents don't understand the interest you have and that's OK. But i think they should support you no matter what. You could let them know there is worse things you could be doing. {gangs drugs killing spree] . Don't give up ,over come and find a happy medium.

Josh,

Although you may not agree with your parents request, continuing will just cause more friction in your family.  I do not understand why your parents feel the way they do, but your idea to "pull the plug" until you are grown and on your own may be best.

 

As a minor child you can never go wrong by honoring your parents and showing them that you defer to their requests.

 

They may see your willingness to do as they ask as something that brings you closer together.

 

Trains are a fun, constructive hobby, but nothing is worth a strained relationship between you and your parents.  

 

Good luck

well yes Charly there is and I thank god that they have been there for me. I have tried to get someone to talk to them for me but it has done no good. I am about 90% sure I am going to stop trains for the next four years. I wish someone would be able to help but I know it wont work now. 

 

I thank you all I am going to sit and think about this now 

Josh

Wow! What a great way to rebel against your parents. Start smoking the trains! There are far worse things you could be doing as a teenager. And turn the railsounds ALL THE WAY UP!

Well, I hate to be blunt AND politically incorrect; but your parents are idiots!

 

If my late father, who died suddenly in 1947, had not gotten me interested in steam locomotives and railroading, by my 3rd birthday, I would NOT have spent my entire working life in the railroad motive power industry. Although my dad was gone, my mom allowed, and encouraged, my model railroad and rail-faning hobbies. That eventually led to college, and a more than 36 year career with the Electro-Motive Division of General Motors Corporation. Plus, due to my many years of rail-fanning, and learning/working with steam locomotives during my early school years, the General Service Manager of EMD assigned me to the American Freedom Train Chief Mechanical Officer of SP4449, in June of 1976. I am STILL an active crew member (Senior Fireman) on SP4449 with more than 36 years experience of firing SP4449!

 

Where am I going with all of this? NONE of this would have happened without my parents ENCOURAGEMENT for my hobby, and life long love of locomotives and railroading! My dad was a railroader and my grandfather was a railroader, yet my mother really didn't want me to simply go to work for the railroad. Instead, she forced me to go to a good college, and get a GOOD job.

 

Look were I wound up! Retired from Electro-Motive Division of General Motors Corporation with a good pension, and still the best darned Fireman on the 4449 (not to mention 17 or 18 years of firing 844 and/or 3985 as a contract Fireman for the Union Pacific), at better than 70 years old. 

 

Finally, railroading is an EXCELLENT industry/career to get into. Ask your parents why Warren Buffet PURCHASED the whole BNSF Railway?

Ok. Here's my complete story. I was 3 when my parents divorced, and my love of trains filled my fathers spot, even till this day those same trains hold that spot in my heart, so for my mother and step-father to say their hatred for my trains it sorta breaks my heart. My little sister Emery has around the same love of trains as I do and they want her to have nothing to do with them. I can't change there mind no matter how hard I tried it was to no avail. I am about ready know to put my trains on here and call it quits for awhile. What should I do? Call it quits and let my love die or keep going and not let them enter fear with my love for these wonderful machines. I still thank my wonderful great-grandfather who purchased my first train set every day, even though hes been gone for nearly five years. I have even chose a career in the area of trains, I have chosen to become an designing engineer such as designing model trains, Cars, and boats. I bet they don't like that either I have just not told them! I just don't know anymore.

 

Josh   

It sounds like you shared interest of trains with your father is the key to this problem. I would say that all time you have the trains it is reminding your mum of your father and what she wants is closure of the link between them.

 

I would also say that your step father has no real bias against the trains but he is supporting your mother to be seen as a united couple.

 

Not sure what the answer is here, may be that you just consolidate what you have now, keep it a low profile and the interest going until such time your life changes and you can spend many years playing trains.

 

Regards,

 

Neil

well I have no relationship with my father and the trains took his spot but she still hates them I don't know why!

Ok, so you could tone things down a bit as far as your discussions about trains go. Maybe your parents just don't care to share your interests. That's fine because there are a lot of parents who are not interested in Xbox, WoW, etc. But don't give up the trains. For your sake and your sisters. You can read the magazines and run trains alone in your room. You can hang out at the club. And realistically no one at the club is going to change their minds. Don't force it. Just agree to disagree. In the meantime, get some plastic sheet or wood from the hobby shop and start scratch building some freight cars. Study electronics and learn how to build some basic circuits. These will help you out when you start studying engineering. My love of trains developed into a love for the internal combustion engine and the amazing torque and efficiency of the diesel engine. I studied diesel technology with the hope of one day working one the amazing engines inside a real locomotive. That dream never worked out for me and I don't regret it. I found a much different, rewarding and satisfying career. But all the knowledge I gained in electronics and engines and stuff has carried with me. I still have the trains. And I can lift the hood off of any of my diesels and service, repair, modify, or upgrade the parts inside whenever I choose.

thanks & will do

If your father had an interest in trains then you are a link to reminding her still of him. Perhaps for whatever reason she is looking to erase all memories of him and the trains are still an association of the past.

no he had no interest once so ever

I think the only option then is to keep it a low profile and let the next few years roll by and pick it up later. You will then have many years of enjoyment.

Well, my experience with trains and parents was/is somewhat similar. Neither of my parents actually liked trains, I caught the bug from Thomas the Tank Engine and my uncle.

 

I started out of course with parents buying me trains. Every birthday and Christmas it's all I would ask for aside from a video game or some such. My involvement in the hobby grew to the point where I was collecting at a rate beyond the bi-yearly gifts. I too started using gift monies to buy trains and a similar dispute arose with how gift monies should be spent. It got to the point where any time I asked if I could buy myself a train there would be a big gripe fest from the folks. So I simply started concealing my train activities from my parents. Some may disagree with this and find it morally wrong, but for me it avoided conflict all together until my parents finally accepted I was old enough to be independent with my hobby.

 

How did I conceal my activities? I had a friend that had PayPal and he let me have a sectioned off portion of his account to put my money in and any trains I bought were delivered to him. I would then sneak them into my house. Years later he actually still lets me do this, but my parents have laid off enough that I can have the trains delivered to my house.

 

Just my 2 cents.

 I think your mom has issues. Are there any counselors at your school when summer is over? I don't think you should just pack them up and have no enjoyment. There must be a way to solve this. Would your mom rather you sit in front of the TV playing video games nonstop like other kids?

Rob

Maybe I missed it because I am half asleep, but did you ever come right out and ask your mother why she doesn't like the trains? Then maybe try to compromise? Might go a long way towards making you look more grown up in her eyes.

Another thought: Does she have any particular scents that she likes the house to smell like (as if from a candle). If she does, Megasteam makes scented smoke in many scents.

I think I would like to Donate a freight car to you (for the love of the hobby), I can just see the look on your Mom's face when strangers start sending you model trains.

Trains played a HUGE role in keeping me out of trouble in my teenage years, they definitely kept me busy in the winter (instead of vegging out on tv or video games) painting locomotives, detailing etc and I still have some of those models 20 years later vs. what would I have to show had I spent countless hours watching sitcoms?

Is it that your Parents think you are spending too much money on trains or do they want you to be into sports? What do they want you to do? 

You are not far from getting a driver's license, so your attention will most likely be on your wheels

My fathers health was never that good, so the trains where our bond.  He grew up a few blocks  from the Milwaukee Road main line and when my parents bought their house it was a few blocks away from the same main line in the next town.  our first layout was a 4x8, it grew to the current 26 x 12 foot layout.  The love of trains he gave me has taken me many places.  I had a part time job for almost 20years at my local hobby shop running the model railroad dept, was to the Lionel factory twice when they where in Mt Clemins MI. and I am a member of several model railroad groups.  Their is a local kid who has an intrest in trains in my town and his parents think trains are dumb also............

Well SPSF that's a very kind gesture, I appreciate it. Well I can't do sports because I am flat footed. My feet hurt if I stand for about 30 min. The only sport I play is golf (Barley).Iv'e tried to bridge the gap. Nothing I do seems to work I've even set a train up around the tree and they don't like it. 

Do not do anything hasty with your trains.  If you get rid of them because of this rift, you will regret it later, and it may lead to further resentment down the road.

 

Michael's (CarGuyZM10) advice to try and find out what their problem is with your hobby is probably the best course of action.  Try to make that discussion as adult as possible, and try to remain calm and keep your emotions in check (I know how hard that can be some times).  There can be lots of reasons, and some of them may not be obvious, that can be causing their problems.  Only when you know the real cause of a problem can you work towards fixing it.

 

If they are not reasonable afterwards, then it may be time to talk it out with a school counselor, or your family priest/pastor/rabbi, or a trusted adult family member (someone that will give your feelings a fair shake).

 

Andy

It may be that your parents think that trains are for small children and they think that at fourteen years old you are too old to be playing with trains.

 

My parents felt that way and when we moved when I was 12 they gave all my trains away to a friend who had two small children.  Good for them, not so good for me.

 

Well, I'm 56 years old now, I still play with trains, and as an adult I bought the same trains (Lionel, Marx, and American Flyer) that they gave away all those years ago.

Josh,

 

I hate to say it but part of growing up is learning to deal with people in authority over you that you think are being unreasonable.  Often, (but not always) we can find nuggets of truth in their objections that will help us grow.  It can be really hard to sit down with them and find out what their objections are (if you don't already know) but respecting their wishes and submitting to their authority is a good preparation for life.  When you can do so without resenting them or rebelling against them in other ways, you will be way ahead of the game.

 

Parents aren't perfect.  Mine made PLENTY of mistakes.  They did things in raising me that they would probably admit they would like to have an "undo" for.  Some of those were things they "guessed wrong" on and some were times they just "lost it".  But they wanted the best for me.  Hopefully yours do too in spite of mistakes or weaknesses on their parts.

 

My advice is to give your parents respect and give things time.  Try to be patient with them and love them.

What's disturbing about the parents is the lack of respect for their child: simply substitute the trains with anything else of interest to the child and the issue becomes clear. Mark

I would second Eric's advice. Your parents are doing the best they can. In situations of conflict, the best approach is be respectful and consider the fact that there's another point of view in the conflict. Express your position politely, respectfully, as logically as possible, and without anger.

 

Trains, while a good hobby that brings us back to a simpler and happier time, are not the be-all/end-all. There are more important priorities in your life. At your age, it's getting as good an education as your and your parents' resources can provide. Then you need to get established in a career path. The trains aren't going anywhere; they'll still be there when you're out of college and into a career (you'll probably be getting some of them on eBay from those who have been "green lighted.) But even at that point in your life, there will be priorities (wife, kids, house, etc.)  over and above the trains. Hopefully you'll be with someone who either enjoys the hobby or understands its importance.

Josh,

Take things slow and do not be hasty. Place your trains on a shelf for a while where you can at least see them. Do this until you can get an understanding of where your parents are coming from. I also feel that you will regret getting rid of your trains. If you have a minister, talk with him. Sharing your problems with a third party does help. Good luck my young friend. You're in my prayers.

There are of course, three sides to every story, but that's for the OP to weigh in his own mind.

 

Josh - consider this advice. In every situation try to "think like your adversary." You can dwell on what you want and just spin your wheels, however, your problem solving skills will be greatly enhanced by trying to figure out what is motivating your mother and step father. "What's in it for them?" How are their lives enriched by me not being involved in this hobby?" "How do they think my life will be enriched by me not being in this hobby?' "What is their agenda?" "What are they trying to achieve?"

 

I've read some comments directed to you in this thread and your responses are emotional and abrupt "No! They HATE it!" 

 

I read your quick dismissal of playing sports - "I can't play sports - I have flat feet." 

 

This is Dustin Carter - a high school wrestler from Ohio. He has no legs, no hands, no forearms and he not only made his high school wrestling team but advanced to the second round of the state finals beating hundreds of other competitors.

 

 

This is Jim Abbot. He was born without a right hand. He played ten years in the major leagues and in 1993 pitched a no hitter while playing for the New York Yankees.

 

 

Point being, you can do pretty much anything you want to do.

 

You had an incident with your mother and step father and you came here to blow off steam and you want people to take your side because in the near term, that is going to make you feel better. While it's a quick fix, and you probably do feel better, it's not a long term solution. 

 

Be honest with yourself. Is it possible your mother and step father are disapproving of your hobby because you neglect other aspects of your life, or certain responsibilities. Do you have chores they have to tell you to do ten times because you're always in the train space? Are you excelling in school, or lagging behind because you spend a lot of time on your hobby?  

 

Whatever it is, they have an agenda. Whatever that agenda might be, it isn't for you to be unhappy. When your parents tell you they're doing something for your own good - if they're good parents - they really are doing it for your own good.

 

Generally, if there is one thing every parent wants, it is to steer their children away from making the same mistakes they did when they were the same age as their own child. Parents want children to be prepared for the world, to not squander opportunity or not realize their potential. Every parent failed to do something in their childhood which has impacted what they achieved in life. Those same parents want to keep their own children from making the same mistakes.  

 

One thing about parents and adults in general, as much as you may hate to admit it - they're smarter than you. They know more and they have three or four times the life experience you have.  This is a valuable exercise for learning to problem solve in life. Look at it with an open mind and figure it out. You'll be a better person with more opportunities for future success because of it. 

Josh, there is a saying at 16 my parents were really stupid, by the time I was 25 it was amazing how much they had leaned.  As other have said, trains are not the end all.  I have hade a love for trains since I was born.  My father got a train set for me the Christmas before I was born.  I always had trains hp during the holidays and put them away for the rest of the year.  As you get older and start high school you will find there are many things you can do.  I did not play sports in HS put I was in the theater as a stage hand.  It was a great experience and I met my wife there.  We will be married 35 years this October.  What I meant say is don't throw in the towel or the trains in.  Put them on a shelf, keep reading the mags and here on the fourm.  You will know when it is time to start up again.  Good Luck

 

Lou

First you need to acquire a few dolls and checking out dresses that you might like.  Then begin using you mothers lip stick and other facial paints.  If this does not work, hire a couple of bozo's to kick their tails.

So far we have a poster telling the kid his parents are idiots and one telling him to have them beat up.  Is this the way we teach kids to respect their parents because they don't agree with them.  Someone already said it.  There is most likely more to this than we are getting.  I thinks it's unfair of us to judge the parents and call them names.

 

Wow.

Josh,

At your age we all thought our parents where stupid and out of touch, as you get older you realize that they are flawed just as we all are and you can respect them even with the flawed decisions they sometimes made. In this case your parents might be totally wrong, or you may not be given them a fair shake. There has already been some very good advice given and I will echo the fact that A, you need to take it easy and not be hostile towards them. B, ask a older adult that you can trust their opinion, but be prepared if they say something you may not like. Your parents may just be trying to slow you down and are going about it in a flawed way. When I was a teenager I had about 6 1968 and 1969 Roadrunners sitting around my dad house and I use to think my dad was stupid because he said I would never get any of them done, guess what I never finished any of them.

So I was in the same boat as you at right about your age too!  NO real "father" in my life.  Its nice to see you have a cool hobby to get into!  Now, as for why your parents don't want you to get any more locos.......... is she concerned about the price of the ones you are buys or is it that you are leaving them set up around the house and she cannot stand stepping over them or seeing them all the time?  There has to be an underlying reason why she doesn't want you getting any more.  If you can identify that reason, and overcome it, then you are home free!  Maybe try discussing it with her as best you can without whining (I'm not calling you a whiner I just know how we get when we don't get our way, at 37 I STILL do it).  If its the money, then use the previous post of "playing with dolls and dressing up" as an example of the worse things you could be into than trains and being constructive!  If its the stuff lying around the house, then unfortunately you know what I"m about to say next.... PICK IT UP!  Ha ha.  I hope you can relieve your mom of her worries and continue in the hobby.  

Unless I knew both sides of what is actually going on here I cannot give advice and then you know what FREE advice is worth!

 

Gunny

Get a job and buy what you want with the money you earn. 

I don't agree that parents and adults are smarter than Josh just because they are older.  Not with the knuckleheads I run into on a daily basis.  Have you been to a little league baseball game lately?  A lot of folks simply don't improve with age, they get weirder, to put it simply.  Life has affected them because it's hard for a lot of folks. 

Your situation is perplexing.  It's hard to know what's going on from here.  It may be about money, which is a major source of stress for people, especially these days.  I probably shouldn't give you any advice because I never listened to my parents about anything.  But, of course I will.  As Jumijo said, get a job, get your own dough, lay in the weeds, stay active on the forum, buy some stuff once in awhile and as you get older you will gain more independence.  It's a natural thing not to get along with your parents at your age.  I have 3 kids ages 22,20 & 19.  All 3 hated me from the ages 14 to 19.  I have suspicions a couple still do.  BTW I still run some trains my wife hasn't seen yet.  Pick your spots.  

My situation is kind of reversed.  I've had a layout built for 10 years and although I ran trains occasionally, and built models for it, I held back because my kids didn't think it's cool.  Now, after being on this forum for awhile, I know it's alright to be into trains and I'm finishing off my layout and run them everyday.  Best of Luck.  Hang in there kid.