This is a good question.

IMHO, something isn't right if you have to hide your purchases.

Nuff said.

I think you would be surprised as just how many of us have very supportive wives and actually encourage out train purchases. Don't let what you have seen around you form an opinion about the entire hobby. 

If I like it I buy it. No hiding here in this family.

My girl friend loves my trains. She is only a year & a half old.

Hiding stuff from your wife is not a marriage with which I am familiar.  Been married 55 years.

.....

Dennis

Ditto !

Like everything else in life.....moderation is the key.  Buy what you want but do it sensibly.

 

-Pete

This question comes up quite often it seems.

 

I agree with the above replies. Never hid anything I purchased from my wife, unless it was a birthday or Christmas present for her. If you're buying so much of anything that you have to hide it, you need to re-think more than just your hobby.

Any man who is the bread winner and has to hide trains is not a man.  This is a general statement from me and not directed at your friend who passed away.  If the wife is the head bread winner, a little slack on my statement is due. 

 

Tim, this is not a good question.  It has been out many times before and people can not let things be. 

 

I am sorry your friend passed.  If you were part of the conspiracy to hide trains from the wife, she will always remember that.  Good luck.  Not a good spot to be in.  Your kind spirit was helping a friend. 

 

I am sure your Mother knows your action.  I also see you are a Boy Scout as I was years ago.  You are an Eagle, my hat is off to you.   Remember the oath.  Your Mother must be proud of you and always will be if you do things right.   Most Mothers would be very happy having a Son who buys trains and not drugs.  Having been a Police Detective for 37.5 years and most of it in the drug unit, I have seen a great many Mothers who wished a Son or Daughter took your path.  Stay on track.  Lets hope your Mom does not read the forum as you just threw yourself under the bus. 

 

PTC stated things very clear.

Tim,

   Men in my generation do not think or act in the manner you describe, MartyF makes a couple good points, and it is a shame about your friend passing away.  

PCRR/Dave

I could care less who the "breadwinner" is in a marriage...both people in the marriage should know what the budget is, and there should be an understanding between them about how much discretionary money exists and how it can be spent.

 

Having to sneak model trains into the house is sad--as it is an indicator of bigger trouble in the relationship. If the root of the problem is something besides money, then it's even a bigger deal.

 

Jeff C

Good points Jeff and John.  Most of my married friends are held tightly together by sharing in a hobby.  I love to attend York and other train functions and see people together sharing. 

I am going to be married 25 years this month and never hide anything from my best friend. My wife first saw my love of trains when I was a teenager and I would show her my layout in my Dad's basement. She has literally been to over 100 train stores with me and has talked me into good purchases and also out of bad ones. I am very lucky and blessed to have such a wife and friend.

All the best,

Miketg

By Marty Fitzhenry

Remember the oath.

 

As a current Scout Leader I agree with Marty 100%. 

A Scout has to be truthful. 

So I suggest that next time Mom asks who the train item is for please tell her the truth. 

Once you begin lying to your parents, and then later when the truth comes out they will not trust your word again for a very long time if ever. 

Do not ruin that relationship over an innocuous item as a toy train car or set.

A time will come when you'll need them to believe you and the only thing you'll have to offer as evidence is your word.

We each have our own income. We have never had to justify our purchases to each other. Can't imagine it any other way.

A slippery slope the dark side is.......

Better to take your beating like a man.

Mistakes are made, we are all human.

Time can let even an unknown wound fester.

 

 Bread winner shouldn't come into play IMO, unless that is agreed upon for the want of tradition, or some other good, thought out reason(?).

 You want a few Big Boys if the significant other hits the lotto right?

 

 On the other hand, I have a neighbor that can afford to be reckless with the wallet. But his collection is in boxes, hidden, & waiting, because the spouse hates the thought of his playing with toys (oh you know she loves me ..)

 Regardless of his thoughts, or wallet size, she is embarrassed, so he grants her that pride out of love. 

 

There are no simple answers to why, or how, each person would do this. Let alone the wrong, or right of it. But in general, its to be avidly avoided IMO.

 

 

 

 

Amen! Hiding is a non-issue for me and should be for eveyone in the hobby. I agree wholeheartedly with brr. If you're going to emulate how someone should be with a wife or girlfriend, Tim Lewis, then emulate what brr and previous posters has said rather than that fellow from your train club. Deceit and lies should never be the basis for or foundation in any relationship. And to reiterate one of Marty's points, this most definitely is not a good question, but an idea with consequences which will only lead down a path to serious trouble for all concerned parties. Enough Said!!!!!!

Tim

My trains come right in the front door. My wife is fully supportive of my hobby, my train collection, and the friends it has brought into my life.

Sorry to hear of your loss, but can you imagine the surprise of the widowed spouse when she learned of the trains in other places. MAYBE her thoughts roamed and her final image of her husband is "WHAT ELSE WAS HE HIDING???"  

My wife is amazingly supportive of my hobby....and jokes that "it's cheaper than therapy".

She knows that I have my purchases sent to the office because there is always someone there to receive them. Nothing hidden....she even has a file where she keeps my York tickets when they come....so, I don't forget where I put them!

I am a very lucky man!

 

Peter

No hiding here either. I just have figure out how to pay for my "stuff" lol
Don't take life too seriously, no one gets out alive
Al

To me if you buy something and hide it or try to be sneaky about it just leaves an odd cast over that one item on how you got it and i couldn't do that for a toy train or be it something else.

Gentlemen,

    You guys are making some good points, especially about the sign of bigger problems, if a man sneaks anything in his marriage.  My wife participates only on a limited basis with her ceramic village in my train hobby, we most time have very different interests and we have been married 40 years this Thanksgiving.  My Trains, Double Guns, Flyrod, and Gun Dog do not come under her prevue and her very expensive musical instruments do not come under mine.  We have a great marriage, we are honest with each other and have worked well together to have a great family.  No sneaking or deception goes on in our home.  My wife understands that I am not a city boy, I spend massive time in the back woods, at our log cabin home in Potter/Tioga where I was born.  Her idea of roughing it is a Holiday Inn without a Bar.  In our case opposites really do attract, our Christian religion makes our life together work, and we love and respect each other as God intends.  We live by his laws in our home.

 

Miketg 25 years is a good start, congrats on a fine marriage.

 

PCRR/Dave

Hi Tim

 My other half don't care what I buy or how much I spend on my trains.

 As long as the bills are paid for the house.

and I don't care what she spends on her hobby as long as the bills that she is responsible for are taken care of.

 Having it this way works for us. when we got our house was the same way I got the things she wanted in the house and I got my basement and garage.

 couldn't ask for better.

46 years, here, and you're right.

 

Anyone who buys trains and does not pay the bills has a big problem.  Not a good situation.

I'm not ashamed to say that I do. Before anyone starts to condemn my actions, I would like to explain. My many years of collecting prewar trains are over. My children placed all of my boxed prewar Lionel sets in humidity & temperature controlled storage. For my personal safety they felt that they had to sell my prewar layouts. This left me with nothing except a few boxes of trains needing repairs. To keep peace in my home I order the parts that I need and have them delivered to the home of a long time friend. My friend visits with me on a regular basis. He delivers my small parts orders when he visits with me. I'm so very grateful for the time that he spends with me. It is then that he helps me with many small repairs that I could not do otherwise. It is these small repairs that create high levels of stress and worry in my wife and children. They are so worried that I will get hurt again. I do not work alone. Maybe I'm wrong, I don't think so. All my family wants me to do is watch television and sit and read. What would you do? Granted I have advanced Parkinsons Disease, however, I will not allow myself to become a invalid. After 51 years of marriage it would not be the thing to do.

quote:

She said she would be happy to recover the purchase price at which time the member wrote a check for the entire collection.

Several weeks later, a second member called on the widow and she proudly announced that the collection was sold and she got a very good price for it.  The second member asked to see the book.  The deceased did not want his wife to know how much he was spending so he recorded the purchase price at 1/4 of what he paid.

Two things came from this.

 

A variation on a story that is repeated far too many times. "Friends" and acquaintances ripping off the estate (widow) of a deceased train person.

Don't let all these good guys beat you up too much, Tim.  They are absolutely correct in principle, but we know this stuff happens more than the replies in this thread so far suggest.  Just think of it as an excellent way to undermine a relationship and decide if the relationship or the hobby (or other "addiction") is more important to you.

 

 

 

 

What, me worry?   

my stuff comes in the front door. no reason to hide it. Now maybe if I was going after $2000 steamers, instead of junk box treasures.....and the only time I ever got any static is when I didn;t get her to her country store or antique shop for a while.

I too have no need to hide my train purchases. My wife knew of my habit long before she married me. That said, she has sort of adopted a tit-for-tat spending policy, which on one level seems only fair. On the other hand, it just makes my trains twice as expensive.

quote:

I'm not ashamed to say that I do

 

Hey Pappy: I guess your example shows that there are exceptions to every "rule". I'd bet your family means well.

I buy the $2000.00 Steamers and not once hid anything from my girlfriend. There have been negotiations, sometimes begging, and I'm not proud of I have also exchanged my body, but never hid a dime. The negotiations that guys go through are some of the funniest things but lying about money never ends well. When she finds out and she is cool with it, you look stupid for hiding it and lose her trust. When she finds it and does not approve you are toast. Being in the doghouse is never fun, pun intended.

You would think that not being married I have a lot more freedom, but in most cases I get more criticism we as have our own spending habits. I really don't understand the $300 hair cuts, but I do understand that it makes her happy. That is the only thing I need to understand.

This is all part of being a grown-up.

One third of OUR trains is mine, one third my wife's, one third are our daughter's. Our daughter considers OUR train collection "amazing." The stated fractions are not terribly important to each of us, the use of the pronoun OUR is. The only time trains are hidden is in anticipation of gift giving.

 

Aside from OUR home, little else of meaning or value is so identified..

There is never a need to hide what you are doing from the Mrs.  She sure doesn't do cart wheels over the purchases but she always knows the bills are paid first, money is put into savings and train purchases are last on the priority list. 

YES, I HIDE TRAINS!!!

1) My wife hates trains

2)The only thing she hates more than trains is spending money.

 

My wife is a stay at home mom, so I am the only source of income. Regardless of that fact, it is easier to sneak in trains than deal with her temper.

 

She will get just as angry with about a $5.00 bottle of paint for the trains as she does a $1500.00 locomotive.  So grief per dollar spent is much lower on the larger items.

Scott Smith

Gentlemen,

   I will say this again, having the right wife makes life heaven, having the wrong wife makes life a living hell, pick wisely my friends.

PCRR/Dave

Sorry, brother. I hope she is some sort of smokin hot model.

Scott, the world has lots of woman.   I know you are making a joke.  No man I know would ever admit what you stated if he was not doing it as a joke.  You are a funny guy.

When I start going train crazy she gets upset but most of the time she doesn't care and even tries to get me to buy once in a while if its been a while ( thats when I get worried she wants something expensive lol) but right now I have backed off any buying as trying to buy a new house so I'm being super tight on money. but normally she really doesn't mind.