Does Model Railroading Mean Fewer Divorces?

scale rail posted:

If you have a strong relationship it doesn't really matter. When I started dating Vicky I had no idea she was from a railroad family. I was single for a long time. Dated a lot until we met. I traveled all the time for work, loved it so it was really hard to keep any kind of long thing going. We had one date and two days latter I was in Russia for three long weeks. including interviewing Gorbachev. But for the first time in my travels, I couldn't wait to get back and have another date with her. Found out her Pop was a welder for the Oakland Southern Pacific yard. Every summer from the time she was little, she would have breakfast with the crew in the welding shop. Her Pop cooked with his welding tool. She loves trains and has booked us on some wonderful train trips. Skip many years later. About to retire after 36 years. All my passports had to have extension pages put in them. I was in Sri Lanka when we got caught by the Tamil Tigers. They had guns to our heads and their foot on our drivers neck. I knew we were going to be killed. Our satellite phone had been out for days. No one knew where we were in that dark jungle that night. All I could think about was Vicky. She would never know were I died. It haunts we to this day. I really knew what love is about that night. Sorry I'm going on about this. It's all way bigger than trains. Don

Don, you have such interesting things to say. Always a pleasure to see your contributions here. Arnold

40 years marrired today so I would say yes.

Was in to model railroading  before we met.

Arnold, this is me after a about a 18 hour flight our first day covering this story. We had to hit the ground running. No sleep. I looked like **** as did all the crew. I'm sure they thought this is our last time we will follow this guy. He's NUT! My reporter is now with CCN. She is a great friend of Vic and I. She was in Mumbai' for CNN when the hotel was attacked, live. I called her and sent this picture of "Duke" our lab watching her on a break in the news. She was on the ground being shot at right before the brake. She said you A-- Hole your sitting at home, retired and "Duke" is watching me get shot at. Loved it. Don

Don't understand what scale rail is talking about, sorry.

Eddie, go back to the start of the thread. Don

My wife isn't interested in the hobby at all but we'll be happily married for 27 years in January.   We are definitely the poster couple for opposite's who attract and that works just fine for us.   

-Greg 

Three thoughts why model railroaders may make better spouses.

1)  We do not view things as broken, merely in need of repair.

2)  We see problems and mistakes as opportunities to solve and fix.

3)  We don't mind putting in the time to make things work and when they fail, often go back to read the instructions.

Arnold....your thread is certainly thought provoking but we have had enough alerts on it.....the thread has migrated just as similar threads do away from the original post.  This is not a forum to discuss details about member's marriages and how compatible or non-compatible the partners are....so....I will leave it up to you to get this back on track or it will be closed by this time tomorrow or sooner....

Here are two of my personal experiences.  

I was at a friend's open house, which showcased his wonderful o gauge layout, some years ago.  Mostly train fans were in attendance.  After a while I met a fellow, a model railroader,  who had recently gone through a divorce.  He got to telling me his story about his ex who did not like his  o gauge layout.  Evidently the layout and his love of trains ( he said he owned about 400 engines and about 1000 freight and passenger cars ) was a point of contention between he and his ex for sure.  The more this fellow spoke about his ex wife, the more angry he became until he blurted out this line: "Because of that $%*(#  I had to sell all my o gauge trains and move into an apartment.   That horrible $%*(# downsized me to HO!!"  The guy was so serious!  Upon hearing this it was all I could do to contain myself.  I had to excuse myself so I could go into the bathroom and howl!  

Lou Palumbo who writes the CTT column Views from the Underground once told me that some guys were secretive about visiting his train shop and making purchases. There was no way these fellas wanted their wives to find out they were at the train store.  These guys would go to great lengths in hiding the fact they were at the store ... so much so they would park their car in the rear of the building or down the next block.  They would leave the new train purchases in the trunk of their cars and sneak them into the house when the wife was out.  

Lou would run into these guys with their wives at church or another public place a few days after their store visit.  Upon spotting Lou, the guys would drop back a few steps making facial and hand gestures that said to Lou" don't tell her you saw me in your shop yesterday".  He did devote a CTT column to this very subject.  I loved hearing Lou tell the stories! LOL! 

Hey I'm still running trains and living in a apt. I may be running Ho on a point to point scheme but I'm still running trains. I'm still doing it and going to York, having fun,talking to friends and buying what can add to my HO trains. 

Dave

My wife got me back into trains four years ago.  She said it was time to get ready for the grand kids.  She bought me 16 ft of fast track as it would run on our carpet.   I had blocked out my need to collect and run trains in the interest of raising our family and taking care of all the house hold needs.  But I took down from the attic the 40 year old trains I had collected when we first married and started to relearn about O gauge system.  Today about 10K later my wife wishes she had left this Pandora box securely closed.......

I like the two cartoons posted at Mile Post 38 our local train store.

"My only fear, is when I die my wife will sell my trains for what I told her I spent on them...."

" My wife told me as I went out the door this morning, if you come home with another train I'm leaving.......I am sorely going to miss her......"

All jokes aside my wife has been a sweetheart in her support of my addition.

Cheers!

EML posted:

Three thoughts why model railroaders may make better spouses.

1)  We do not view things as broken, merely in need of repair.

2)  We see problems and mistakes as opportunities to solve and fix.

3)  We don't mind putting in the time to make things work and when they fail, often go back to read the instructions.

 

EML, there is much wisdom in your words, IMO. Thanks for sharing. Arnold

My wife has tolerated my obsession, mainly because it's out-of-sight, out-of-mind (in the basement).

She did know what she was getting into before we were married. Should have modified our wedding vows... "Do you take CJ to love, have, and hold, including all his choo-choo junk, present and future, from this day forward for better or worse?"

This (Oct 2019) will be her first trek to York with me, as all our kiddos that I used to tow with me have aged out and are currently busy with starting careers or college.

Hoping the wife won't change her mind after this York........

Mrs. Nolan is Filipina. She has peacefully coexisted with my trains ever since we were "cohabitating" in the Philippines and she saw my HO stuff when my household goods shipment arrived from stateside. Later on when I went to N scale and later got back into Lionel she was OK with it. She is not a needy "you don't pay enough attention to me" type and lets me do pretty much what I want to. My "train people" friends are her friends too. If she ever had cause to divorce me it would've been for my sailor behavior when I was younger, nothing related to my train hobby.    

My wife and I have been married 52 years. We do NOT discuss politics. 

My advice...think twice before making fun of any hobby or interest SHE might have.

Many years ago, Model Railroader had a short article something to the effect of "tips and strategies for married model railroaders" that was written by the wife of a modeler.

Cute and worth reading.  

On the other hand, there's the bumper stickers/license plates "Pray for me, my husband plays with trains".

The key is to marry the right woman'...it may take two or three times to finally get the right one'...  In the meantime, it helps Arnold, stay in business.... 

Not if she finds out how much you paid for them  or all the new models you sneek in the house !!

LOL

The new sewing machine started at $2,500.  Then you add the special quilting table, another $1,000.   This baby has an automatic needle threader.     Happy lady.     There is a Quilting week-end seminar, some where near Cleveland, OH.    Hows that go??  "A hobby is a hobby!!"     You can easily spend up to $10,000 on a sewing machine and accessories.   47 years, a sweetheart  

My wife likes G & Standard and had wind-up in England when she was a kid. 

That said, when I read things like this, I always remember a York meet and standing next to a lady that collected and listening to her husband whine about "You've already got something like that, I'm bored, I wish I had gone on the shopping trip or stayed at the hotel, how long are you going to do this". She and I looked at each other and she rolled her eyes, looked at him and said "Shut up". At the time it seemed funny seeing a typical role reversal, but I've wondered about them since.

It depends on the open heart of the spouse.

Mike CT posted:

The new sewing machine started at $2,500.  Then you add the special quilting table, another $1,000.   This baby has an automatic needle threader.     Happy lady.     There is a Quilting week-end seminar, some where near Cleveland, OH.    Hows that go??  "A hobby is a hobby!!"     You can easily spend up to $10,000 on a sewing machine and accessories.   47 years, a sweetheart  

Mike, my wife has two of those $10,000 computor embroidery machines and several regular machines that are under a $1000. I built her a 5x6 cutting table out of 4 kitchen lower cabinets on wheels and the third bedroom is her dedacated sewing room with a tv so she can listen to her soaps while she sews. She goes to several class a month for different projects. She mad curtains for my train room windows from PRR themed material I found on eBay. She is in hog heaven. We are working 37 years and she is still my sweetheart. I guess that is why I have a 2000 sq ft basement dedicated to trains. 

51 years here shortly and she just still keeps rolling her eyes.

The same as I do because she likes diamonds

Larry

I don't think model railroading really plays any role in folks relationships, I think its more a matter of one spouse supporting their other half.  My wife supports my model train hobby and I support her many, many () crafting hobbies.  I don't understand all of her hobbies and she doesn't necessary understand mine, but we support each other anyway.

We will have our 29th Anniversary in two weeks and are looking forward to the next 29.

Jim

I always thought people who drive Chevrolet cars never had a divorce.  I'm not sure how relevant Chevrolets or model trains are to divorce. 

But, put a hashtag on it and post it on tweeter and we'll know for sure.

Hm, the model railroad , and the hobby is a reflection of ourselves. Some horde, and must have everything ever made, while some are content with grandpa's set, and have added slowly over the years. Some have to have perfection everything to scale, and others, it is a party and it is all about fun, scale is not a concern, apart from, will it fit on the rails. it is a spectrum of how we model railroad. Gundam Fighters does an excellent job of demonstrating what a open mind to a hobby should be, not trains, but a hobby as varied, and a good relationship tool. The hobby should be fun with its bad times as the relationship with your significant other is, and a far safer place to learn.

I remember an article in Model Railroader magazine, possibly the one mentioned, how the husband and wife both enjoyed the layout. He would have his friends over to run the layout, while she hosted, and the wives had fun upstairs. Her joy of hosting social events and his joy of model railroading, meshed well, even if they were not the same hobby. Some have specialized over aspects of hobby, and some don't share at all. The mutual understanding and trust in the relationship shows up in how the hobby is viewed, and interacts with the relationship, positive or negative. The understanding that not everyone has to have the same hobby also shows, when both support each others hobbies, that they do not share, and use that to build up the relationship.

Just some observations.

A railroading story, adapted from Jerry Clower and the stumbling mule. A couple recently celebrated their 75th together and everyone commented how good their relationship was and how they never had any problems. I heard a story about the day after the honeymoon. The young man was running some trains and talking with his new bride. As the locomotive crossed a switch, it lost power for a second and the E-unit went into neutral. Frustrated, he yelled that's #1 and restarted the train back in forward around the track, then began talking to his wife again. A short while later, the same engine derailed in a different switch. He, yelled that's #2 and had to stop what he was doing, go over, re-rail the engine and get it going again. About 25 minutes later, the same engine derails again in a different spot. He jumps up, screams that's #3, pulls out a pistol and shoots the engine right in the side. His wife screams in fear and asks him why on earth he would shoot his engine. He says that's #1

On a serious note, I've always felt it was important for a couple to have different hobbies. Much like some of these stories others have told, the 2 can intersect and the wife has her hobby, you have your hobby, they can be done concurrently, you share the same friends, same interests. but they are different. Why? My theory of competition. If you both have the exact same hobby, you tend to compete to one up each other. You argue about the right way to do things. Again, you read these stories, and one person likes the social aspect of just gathering, the other likes building the layout, or running trains, or doing repairs. They complement each other, not compete with each other.

Also note, I'm single, so everything I said might be why I'm single. Just like a pregnant woman doesn't read a book written by a man on pregnancy- What you should expect in the 3rd Trimester, advice on a relationship from a single man is about as helpful and intelligent as a moldy dishcloth.

Allin posted:

I remember an article in Model Railroader magazine, possibly the one mentioned, how the husband and wife both enjoyed the layout. He would have his friends over to run the layout, while she hosted, and the wives had fun upstairs. Her joy of hosting social events and his joy of model railroading, meshed well, even if they were not the same hobby. Some have specialized over aspects of hobby, and some don't share at all. The mutual understanding and trust in the relationship shows up in how the hobby is viewed, and interacts with the relationship, positive or negative. The understanding that not everyone has to have the same hobby also shows, when both support each others hobbies, that they do not share, and use that to build up the relationship.

Just some observations.

When one has very different hobbies or interests from his or her spouse, each may admire what the other does, and they may complement each other.

For instance, many model railroaders, not me, are very handy with tools and very good at fixing things. Some wives will find this to be a very attractive characteristic in their husbands.

When one spouse has the skills of a very good artist, perhaps manifested in the scenery or backdrop of a layout, turning it into a thing of beauty, that could be very pleasing to both spouses.

To support one's spouse's hobbies, interests, and hopes and dreams can be the foundation of a truly great relationship. 

My wife has done acting and been in theatrical productions, off and on, since elementary school. She now takes weekly acting classes that make her feel she is living life to its fullest. Nothing is more important for me than her continuing her acting classes. She reciprocates by supporting my interests (I have several), which includes model railroading that I do for creativity, entertainment and to reduce my stress.

Arnold

RJT posted:

Mike CT posted:

The new sewing machine started at $2,500.  Then you add the special quilting table, another $1,000.   This baby has an automatic needle threader.     Happy lady.     There is a Quilting week-end seminar, some where near Cleveland, OH.    Hows that go??  "A hobby is a hobby!!"     You can easily spend up to $10,000 on a sewing machine and accessories.   47 years, a sweetheart  

Mike, my wife has two of those $10,000 computor embroidery machines and several regular machines that are under a $1000. I built her a 5x6 cutting table out of 4 kitchen lower cabinets on wheels and the third bedroom is her dedacated sewing room with a tv so she can listen to her soaps while she sews. She goes to several class a month for different projects. She mad curtains for my train room windows from PRR themed material I found on eBay. She is in hog heaven. We are working 37 years and she is still my sweetheart. I guess that is why I have a 2000 sq ft basement dedicated to trains. 

Bingo on the spouse with multiple expensive sewing machines...I am very supportive of her hobby. I just helped her redo another bedroom for sewing activities...she now has 2.  Cable tv of course is included. 44 years of marital bliss...she is my best friend.

In turn she is supportive with my many hobbies which of course would include model trains.

Fendermain

I'm glad to read all the positive stuff.

I was surfing through the channels one night months ago, and one of the late night talk show hosts brought up this very subject. He stated that it is done by divorced men, or soon to be divorced men. Got a big laugh from the audience. That sure hasn't been my experience. In my little corner of the world, I'm part of a camaraderie of really nice folks, with normal lives, that have some fun running model trains.

My wife is also an "eye roller" … while also having a big smile on her face. It's cool.

Also, my wife and I are expecting our first grandchild in March. So, I'm having all kinds of "trains" thoughts swirling around in my head. I'm sure she'll be very supportive of what ever crazy ideas I come up with. 

Mike CT posted:

 

Mike, that thing is so cool. I want one … and I don't even sew. 

An interesting thread

I don't think model railroading means fewer divorces, I think that model railroading is a symptom of a good marriage or a bad one rather than a cause per se. Where conflict occurs, it usually is about the relationship basis. For example, the modeler who spends all their time on their trains, who neglects doing things around the house that need to be done or who neglects things that their significant other wants to do, or spends a ton of money on their hobby that strains other necessities, it is a problem because it shows disrespect to the other person. It is disrespectful to dismiss something your spouse enjoys, even if you don't enjoy it yourself, it is worse when someone (to me) allows worries about 'what will other people think' to override the joy the other person gets out of what they do. It isn't one sided, I have seen plenty of people with trains who dismiss things their SO loves to do, or worse, grumbles that they are 'wasting their time' with something....I can see a spouse resenting let's say spending 1500 bucks on an engine when the kids tuition at college is due or you need a new roof, but I wouldn't respect it if they said "that is a waste of money" if otherwise they could afford it and the person buying it likes it.  In the end if the model railroading is a point of contention it likely means other elements in the relationship aren't in synch, other aspects of communication and love and respect aren't there.   It is kind of ironic, in my relationship the conflict is that I have an extremely hard time spending money on myself, I have no problem spending money on my wife or son with things, gladly do so, but when it comes to me I have to sneak purchases past myself.....

Greg Houser posted:

My wife isn't interested in the hobby at all but we'll be happily married for 27 years in January.   We are definitely the poster couple for opposite's who attract and that works just fine for us.   

-Greg 

Greg you are not alone my wife and I have absolutely nothing in common she don’t like trains or trucks, truck shows where I show my 1.1 Autocar or train shows. Or music of any kind I like we are so opposite I can’t believe we’ve been married for 24 years the 25th of this month. One thing she does is never  interfere with the trains or other Hobbies of mine but if she sees something that she thinks I could use on the layout she will buy it. One thing we have in common is we love each other deeply and we have two beautiful daughters together. I told her awhile back if I had to give up all my worldly possessions just to have one day with you I would and that’s no lie. 

Thank you,    OGR monitors for letting this diverged thread continue.     Best wishes, Mike CT.   

This thread is pretty awesome.  I love reading about most of the long marriages that you have had.  I'm newly married. I was married to my late wife for 19 years who passed away at the age of 53 about 4 1/2 years ago.   I was 47 at the time.  I've been married now for the last 2 years and am looking forward to a long marriage with my new wife and these stories give me hope.  My wife is a huge paper crafter and i have no problem with her hobbies and she is supportive of my hobbies which include all kind of trains, adult collector of Legos, computers, and a lot more.   

I will buy my wife stuff that I know she will like and if she sees stuff I might like, she asks me if she should get it.   

I would say they don't anything to do with each other in my experience.  My 1st wife and I divorced, after many years I remarried and wife #2 is still around.  Both fully knew about my love of trains.  But their personalities are different. 

I know this is an old topic but I chuckle and feel bad when I hear the guys at the model RR club I sometimes go to talk about those wives displeasure with the hobby. I knew eventually one of them would corner me and ask what my wife thinks of my hobby. Well I said, "HE supports my hobby 100% and partly because his dad had the same hobby for decades". The room went quiet. "In fact I just got a box full of Maine Central RR items I've been wanting for ages!" Room goes even quieter. Then I hear "That's not fair!" Then a few chuckles about the not fair comment and the room goes back to normal chatter. It took the older guys a second to realize diversity in the hobby is larger than they realized. Now I get constant questions about what I have bought and if I want to buy stuff thier selling. I think honestly some wives/partners are just in need of more attention than others. My partner sits upstairs and reads and chills quite a bit when I'm working on the layout. I'm very fortunate.

I can't begin to tell you how fortunate I am for my Wife of 42 years! Not only is she supportive of my model railroad hobby, she buys me awesome Christmas presents from time to time (last Christmas was Lionel's new O scale J with whistle smoke).

She loves to cook and can. Our house has a kitchen on the lower level that had an electric stove, no range hood and divided sink. I surprised her by replacing the stove with a gas version, installed a range hood and replaced the divided sink with a single tub stainless sink. She now cans to her hearts content......and I get to enjoy the spoils !

My point is....we do for each other. And it works great.

I do not believe there is any correlation between quality of relationship and model railroading.  Without getting to deep into my personal life, my ex never supported my hobby but had no issue trying to force the sale of my collection when we finally went our separate ways.  I normally agree with your hypothesis Arnold, but while I hold no bitterness towards my ex, that was not a pleasant time for me in this hobby and life in general so I think this one is way off base.

I am in a new relationship that is all around better in every conceivable way and things are very different.  Every relationship is unique in their dynamics and how partners work together.  My parents on the other hand have been married 57 years and my mother still supports my father's interest in the hobby.

Hiker39, I enjoyed reading your comments today, and think it's a very good thing that there is diversity among model railroaders.

I probably said what I'm about to say 2 years ago when I started this topic. My wife, though not involved, is highly tolerant of the hobby. I once heard her tell someone about my passion for trains: "at least I know he is home in the basement and not gallivanting with some blonde bombshell."

She also thinks it's just fine that I have several hobbies and more friends as a result. I, in turn, am supportive of her main outside interest, which is taking an acting class, now being done via Zoom.

I've been married to the same woman for 43 years.  Arnold