Feeling very philosophical this morning so I am going with the flow. I have been listening to Neil Young whose music has always spoken to me. I had my hip replaced two weeks ago and sitting here enjoying Neil Young sing, "Helpless," caused me to reflect on the passing years and my love affair with trains. I have, indeed, felt helpless for the past two weeks and the realization I am no longer who I used to be is a consciousness that has caused me to feel a bit like the steam locomotive watching the rise of diesels and the understanding that I better get my jobs done before the sting of the scrapper's torch bites into me.
I was well aware I that would miss the trains and the evolving layout as I prepared for the surgery but did not fully understand the role that the railroad had on my psyche. For most of my adult life the trains were always a respite from what was bothering me. It might have been a tough day at work or issues with my children or just the everyday burdens of life. Though I was living in a small apartment, the trains were there on the wall and I had only to walk over a few steps and put my burdens down for a few moments. I could put my troubles on hold for that brief time I imagined the steam and smoke and heavy iron thundering down the rails. The problems never disappeared, they were still there when I turned away from the trains, but for for those brief minutes my thoughts took me to another place and time and I could be at peace.
Now, as I realize how much more important it is to use my time carefully, I value the trains and the friends those pieces of history have brought me, all the more. The time will probably come fairly soon when getting under a layout will be a bit more difficult than I had bargained for. Friends and visitors to the layout will enjoy what we have created yet, at the same time, I'll know that what we're all looking is probably the last layout I will have built. My steamer will prepare to head for the roundhouse and, perhaps, some helper duty. We can stave off the scrapper for a while yet.
The Forum and all of you have helped me to maintain the dream of working on the layout again soon and have helped me to sharpen my dreams of completing it in the manner I originally envisioned. My wife and friends have all contributed to my well being and know that being an impatient patient is who I am.
Neil Young is singing, "Helpless" and I'm starting to walk again with my cane so I'm helpless no longer. Ginny is at work, and the railroad is calling to me. If I hold on to that bannister really well, I think I can, I think I can.
I always like to remind myself, that I have done O.K. and maybe for a few more years. 
