Why do some wives hate our trains?

Marriage is all about compromise.  My wife is a Disney fanatic and I don't even want to know what's spent on collectibles over the years. I usually start to cringe this time of year as my home starts to look like an Amazon distribution center for upcoming Holiday season! However, we both work hard for our paychecks and we respect each others interests. She'll even treat me to a new boxcar or two if I behave while we're out shopping!

Rob

For me the topic is interesting. Some of this I think falls under the domain of where complaining about spouses is a kind of national pastime, buddies get together and grumble about things, comedians have made careers out of it, women get together and complain about their spouses or so's

Some of it is there are spouses who view the hobby as men acting like kids, that if ppl knew it would be mortifying ( and yes this exists, though honestly I suspect it mostly is with older generations, doubt younger spouses would see it that way.

There also could be legitimate cases, where the hobbyist is neglecting other things or not talking to the so, like spending 1500 on a new engine when the hot water heater need replacing and the budget is tight....but those would be true of any hobby. It can be an expensive hobby,obviously. Though even in that there can be bias involved, owning a boat of any size is pretty expensive, so is golfing, yet I don't think I have ever heard where a spouse complained about the expense of those in the same way as w trains, unless they truly can't afford it.

As far as the value of this thread to the hobby, I think actually this is positive in the most of the postings have been positive. Ranges from where the wife is enthusiastic to where she isn't into it but is happy he enjoys it&others can like kids or grandkids. Lot of the posts mention accommodating each others likes and negotiation and communicating,which is really healthy. It helps dispel the myth, I think the answer is very few wives hate the trains, and others dont hate the trains but the way it plays out.in their relationship, which is true of any hobby or pastime if they feel it is out of bounds.

One interesting thought, for any of the women on here who are into trains and are married or partnered, how do their SOs feel about trains?

@OddIsHeRU posted:

Thanks so much for your kind comments, Tom D. Having posted a pic of our “Family Room” layout last week, I thought I’d also post a couple pics of the companion mini “Concert Salon” in case a few of our fellow OGR Forum colleagues might be a tad curious over your reference. The layout is in the darkened room across the entry hall. The volume shutters above the dining area are silent and quite fast, so that I truly think of the control pedal on the console as an “expression” pedal.  Thanks as well to you, Dr. Alan, for posting this thread. I miss my wife dearly, but revel in the memories of what we shared over our train layout and performance venue. You have provided a blessed service to our OGR community. 

This post made my day, I love enthusiasm as much as I love music, wow. It sounds like you and your wife had something really special. Did she ever learn to play organ,specifically the opening bars of Bach's Tocatta and Fugue, to let you know you did some dastardly deed and was expressing her displeasure? *Smile*. ( The toccata and fugue has been used in horror movies and other places since they had sound in movies, look it up and I am sure you will have heard it...).

I really hate these threads and waited a while to respond;

The answer to the WHY is really quite simple. When we promised to love, honor till death; we forgot to say oh and my trains too.

So in time, we breached the contract ;knowing full well that if we added the part about the trains at the time of that pledge, we may not have had that contract.

Wives now either accept the breach and live with it ..............................or not!

I am blessed, my wife has supported my train hobby for 40 years.  She only gets bugged when they start to spill out into every room of the house.  We remodeled the house recently and we made a deal, I keep a few out and about to add color? to the decor.  The rest have to stay in our media room which is lined with train shelves.  She also tolerates that her brand new Bronco has to sit outside while my train layout sits safe and warm in the garage.  She encouraged me to go outside and play, so I did, 400 ft of G Scale out back.

I find a balance is good, since our remodel, she has been a very happy camper.  My wife drags me around the world traveling, exposing me to new things, people and places.  She even looks for train excursions for us to take together and helped send me to run a 100 year old steam engine and RS-3.  What a catch!  I'm never letting her go.

Chris S.

I think that the solution to most of the ills stated above would be to have unlimited time, space  and money.  
Fortunately, most of the postings are either positive or humorous.
Capitalism is the unequal sharing of blessings.  So we all don’t have unlimited assets.

On the other side of the coin I remember a lady that I never met but respected and agreed with here on the forum.  I remember her writing "my ex hated my trains".  She passed on some years ago but I still miss her, Lisa Marie Tahtaras.   ODD-D

I am also blessed......I was a train guy before my wife and I started dating 40 years ago and she has always accepted my hobby.......she always saw it as a way to release the tensions from my workday which involved many of my patients having poor outcomes despite my best efforts ( for those of you who don’t know, I recently retired after practicing Nephrology after 38 years). When we had a young family, the hobby did not interfere with family time, because it could be enjoyed in literally 15-30 minute segments, rather than 8 hours on a golf course.....

To top it off, when I retired, it was my wife who suggested we finish off the attic into a new train room (which cost more than our 1st house house).......I am very lucky, indeed!

However, I can see a wife’s point of view.......when we were paying a mortgage, kids’ college tuitions, saving for retirement and buying a minivan, I wasn’t buying $2000 locomotives. Herein lies the challenge.........you have to live within your means at your time and stage in life. I suspect a lot of the conflict and resentment occurs when that is misaligned.

Peter

My wife doesn't "hate" my trains she's just not particularly interested in them. She has never complained about my purchases and I appreciate that. She has said she'd prefer me not using more space for my layout than I already have.😁

A long time ago in a galaxy far far away my first wife (I don't call her my ex, I call her my Why) had an attitude that can only be described as restrained disdain for my train hobby.

My lovely bride who I met later in life fully supports and enjoys our hobby. I call it our hobby now because she has her own train (the pretty red tinplate one) and enjoys going to train related activity with me - whether it is train shows, train rides or railfanning with my camera. One of our first dates she she helped me set up and sell at a local train show.

I proposed to her at our local train station (Wickford Junction) in a blinding snowstorm.

This picture was just two weeks ago right after WE finished assembling the Mianne Benchwork for the new layout. I am blessed to have this support and encouragement. Sorry for the crappy cell phone image but it sums up nicely what I am trying to share.

Paul

I mentioned earlier that my wife is indifferent to my trains.  But she does have a good sense of humor about it.

I count myself as one of the luckiest guys around...my wife, of 56 years yesterday (November 20, 1965), has always encouraged my hobbies...trains, woodworking, crafts...

Howard...

Good morning, I will join the majority that my wife enjoys our trains and helping on the layout we have here in our home.

My wife says she would rather hear me say I am going down to work on the layout or run some trains than I am going to the bar see you later !!!!!!

Good thread, the most interesting part of it to me is the homes with the pipe organs

I am also one of the lucky ones. My wife has shared my interest in O gauge since the beginning. She goes to all the shows with me including two day stints at York. She has been my “ best buddy” through the building of our first layout, helping with the whole construction of the Mianne benchwork, cutting the plywood bench top, input on the track layout, picking out buildings for the layout. Goes with me regularly to the hobby shop and is an integral part of locomotive and rolling stock purchases. She will be a big part of the scenery work when we get to that point. I am very grateful to have such a terrific partner in my O gauge journey- could not ask for better.

@Transman posted:

Good thread, the most interesting part of it to me is the homes with the pipe organs

I thought the same thing. I didn't know this was a thing. It also surprises me because I imagine pipe organs as very large instruments.

@BillYo414 posted:

I thought the same thing. I didn't know this was a thing. It also surprises me because I imagine pipe organs as very large instruments.

It is all relative.  A large cathedral needs a large pipe organ to achieve the proper carrying power.  A home installation does not need that much power so they can be designed to be much smaller.  Our pipes fit into a 10' x 17' room.  Not much different than having a room dedicated to trains.  I have been told by one of my friends " What a waste of a good train room".   

Tom

@Tom Densel posted:

" What a waste of a good train room".   

Tom

Maybe it's just because I play a guitar and love music but no way! Using a room for any music is a good use of a room.

It makes sense that a cathedral would need a monumental pipe organ where your house might need something smaller. I never thought about it.

Funny story..............about 3 years ago, my wife and I were watching HGTV.....HouseHunters, Atlanta. A young couple was looking to buy a house in the northern Atlanta suburbs...... the husband says to the Realtor: "remember, I need to 2-3 acres for my hobby". "Yes", she said, "and what might that be?" He answers: "I collect old school buses."

My wife and I looked at each other and with a grin and she said: "you know, dear, the trains are fine!"

Peter

I’m one of the lucky ones too. I think she’s glad I have something to do instead of bugging her. Even when I come home after playing 18 holes she’ll say back already? It’s a good thing I think.

@Ron045 posted:

My Darling Wife drug me into the hobby by insisting we have a train around the Christmas tree.  I never had that as a kid.

Then when we had Kids, she told me to go to Allentown with her brother and buy trains for the kids and build them a layout.

It's been a fun time.

We used to have a local hobby shop in town.  Good ole Mr. Wagner made sure every spouse got a big giant chocolate bar for Christmas.

He used to say, your husband is not out at the bar with the guys and not chasing other women.  He's in the basement playing trains.

I'm blessed and hope others with spouces not as supportive can improve their situations.

Have Fun.

Ron

My wife's sentiments exactly. Ron, you and I are very lucky men.

I reciprocate by trying my best not to spend too much money on trains, but I don't always succeed. LOL, Arnold

I can appreciate your point, BillYo414. But look at it this way. When I was still professionally active, I would practice up to three hours per day. That meant gathering my briefcase and performance shoes, driving to the church or college auditorium, hunting for a parking space, and hoping someone else hadn’t moved into my time. By then, I was no longer in the mood.

But being blessed with a small but amazingly complete and satisfying former Aeolian residence pipe organ, I could just shut down the train layout and walk into the next room and have at it, FULLY IN THE MOOD. It really seemed like I got twice as much accomplished in half the time! Even more importantly, I now had significantly more time for wife pleasing chores.

@Tom Densel posted:

It is all relative.  A large cathedral needs a large pipe organ to achieve the proper carrying power.  A home installation does not need that much power so they can be designed to be much smaller.  Our pipes fit into a 10' x 17' room.  Not much different than having a room dedicated to trains.  I have been told by one of my friends " What a waste of a good train room".   

Tom

A fond memory of mine was listening to Bach being played on a huge organ in a church in Prague.   I wondered if Bach had actually played that very organ himself. Being a child of rock’n roll I wanted them to crank up the volume, but I had to settle for how it was probably originally played.
Alan

In 2018 my wife and I were discussing where we should go for vacation. I was letting her take the lead in choosing a destination, but she couldn't come up with a place that really piqued her interest.  I finally told her that I have wanted to visit Strasburg for some time.  Since we would be in SE PA, we might as well visit Longwood Gardens to see the organ installed in the conservatory.  I also wanted to go to Philly to see the Wanamaker organ in Macy's Department Store and pay a visit to Nicholas Smith Trains.  On the way back we could stop at Altoona.  SHE WAS NOT RECEPTIVE, to say the least.  After a few weeks of discussion she finally agreed to my itinerary for want of a better plan.

Upon our arrival in Strasburg we drove past the station and saw the last train of the day heading out.  She asked if we could ride it sometime. (Cha-Ching!).  The next day we got to the station about an hour before they opened.  She was fascinated by the switching that was taking place.  After taking a train ride and doing a shop tour, we went over to the Pennsylvania Railroad Museum.  SHE LOVED IT!.  We ended up closing the place down and returned to the station to spend some more time walking around and enjoying the atmosphere.  The next day we went to the Choo-Choo Barn and TCA museum.  At the conclusion of the Choo-Choo Barn tour she asked if we could go around again.  After visiting the train store we headed for Kennet Square and Longwood Gardens.

The only thing I knew about Longwood Gardens was they had a very large pipe organ in the conservatory.  When we walked through the gates to head toward the conservatory we were both struck by the beauty and vastness of the gardens.  After listening to the organ demonstration we began walking about the gardens.  We walked for several hours, enjoying the various gardens.  She wanted to see the fountain shows so we made our way back to the main fountain just as a severe thunderstorm struck.  We spent the next several hours exploring the massive conservatory. (nothing like being in a greenhouse during a severe thunderstorm!)  After the storm I was ready to leave, but she wanted to stay for the nightly fountain show. We did and it was well worth it. (Cha-Ching!) 

The next day we drove to Philadelphia and stopped at Nicholas Smith Trains in Broomhall.  While she was not overly thrilled about our detour, she did accompany me into the shop where I purchased a Lionel boxcar.   When leaving the store we ran into a gentleman in the parking lot who was awestruck by the fact that I came out of a train shop with a purchase, accompanied by my wife.  (It kind of reminded me of the "Big Bang Theory" episode when Penny went into the comic book store for the first time.)  We Got to Macy's just as the Noon concert was starting.  She was somewhat apprehensive as she usually doesn't shop at high end stores.  During the concert a group of people walked up behind us and the gentleman started to spout off a bunch of BS about how the organ worked.  I finally turned around and set the record straight.  The fellow asked what made me such an authority on pipe organs, at which my wife told him "He builds them for a living and is quite good at it."  She then turned and gave me a smile of satisfaction.  At the conclusion of the concert we visited the console and spoke with the organist.  (This is where my avatar photo was taken) She then found a clearance rack in the baby section.  (Cha-Ching!)  We concluded the day by visiting the Liberty Bell and Independence Hall.

When we were leaving Philly she asked if we were still going to Altoona.  I told her that I would skip it so we could visit our daughter and her family on the trip home.  She told me that she wanted to go back sometime and do it all over again, but stop at Altoona the next time.

I found out how truly blessed I am on that trip. 

Tom

PS: Sorry for being so long winded

What the heck...

Can't play the organ.  But after hearing the artistry demonstrated in concerts at Washington's National Cathedral and Notre Dame, Paris many, many years ago, ...and having organist friends, including my wife (engineer, church organist, Cessna 172 pilot, Scottish pipe band drummer, dancer, etc., etc...and, oh yes, model railroader)...I have become a classical organist fan.

And, yes, Herr Bach is the music master extraordinaire.  But, my favorite selection?...(for your pleasure, and mine!)...

Turn up the volume, please.

Moderators...nothing to do with trains, but couldn't resist from the thread's discussion.

Well,  I tell her my hobbies keep me from drinking and chasing loose women.

WOW! This thread has gone far beyond what I could have imagined to draw the organ interests out of our OGR Community participants.   As the thread originally focused on the roles of our wives, let me take a slight right turn here and share a piece I wrote some time ago for my organ world colleagues.

+   +  +

One of my favorite concert organists was the late Dr. John Weaver who was Organist/Choirmaster at Fifth Avenue Presbyterian Church in NYC. John was a big time Lionel aficionado who requested that his Session of Elders allow him to build a layout around the four walls of his approximately 20’ by 20’ choir office at the church. This apparently left just enough room for his desk and file cabinet in the center.

My late very good friend Josef K. Lesser, author of a Kalmbach published book on layout realism got wind of John’s train interest. Next time visiting NYC, Joe went to see John’s layout. The two men got around to the phenomenon of the dual interest in pipe organs and trains held by so many (including Joe himself) in our hobby community. Dr. John shared that this very phenomenon was currently the subject of a doctoral dissertation by a Boston University grad student working on her Ph.D.

When Joe returned and shared this, I howled    -  “Ph.D. Dissertation?  She don’t need no 200 page dissertation to unravel that!!!”

“What do you mean?” Joe responded.

“I can give it to you in one sentence” I countered. “It’s a preoccupation with things BIG, LOUD, and most importantly EXPENSIVE!!!”

You need look no further than our own OGR’s fearless leader, Rich Melvin. On a Saturday morning many years ago, I called Rich to order the Fort Wayne Society’s MTH NKP 769 fund raiser locomotive.  Now the NKP Berkshire was my son’s favorite prototype locomotive. He had just completed his Master’s Degree, and the O Gauge model would be his graduation gift.

Rich and I completed the order details in a couple minutes, and somehow, the word “organ” was spoken by one of us. A nearly one hour conversation ensued having zero to do with trains, and everything to do with pipe organs. Rich talked at length with an in depth knowledge of a large pipe organ restoration project he was involved in for a church in Youngstown, Ohio, as I recall. 

BTW, thanks DKDKRD for posting that outstanding Frederick Hohman video of the Widor Toccata.  I heard his recital at the University of Redlands many years ago, and attended his three day workshop there.

A study would affirm that the Widor Toccata is the most often performed organ piece alongside the Bach D Minor. Toccatas (toccata meaning “touch” or “finger” music in Italian), we quip, are designed to sound difficult, yet not be. Widor’s Toccata has done more than any other piece to endear the organ to audiences since he wrote it over twelve decades ago.

We are asked to play it so often, and one of my colleagues once remarked   “asking an organist to play the Widor Toccata is like asking an accordionist to play “Lady of Spain.”

Richard...

Your friend...

"One of my favorite concert organists was the late Dr. John Weaver who was Organist/Choirmaster at Fifth Avenue Presbyterian Church in NYC. John was a big time Lionel aficionado who requested that his Session of Elders allow him to build a layout around the four walls of his approximately 20’ by 20’ choir office at the church. This apparently left just enough room for his desk and file cabinet in the center."

...I believe his layout in his church office was written up in an issue of CTT magazine years ago.  I remember rolling my eyes at the thought of doing the same in my then office at a division of General Motors.  Of course, in my case, the whole thing would've had to be on rollers...we changed offices/buildings so often (cuts down on moss growth on the older pharts' north side!)

Interesting, your comment on Widor's Toccata.  When we changed churches locally a couple years ago I asked the VERY capable organist there if she would grace us with this masterpiece sometime for the recessional.  She rolled her eyes, chuckled, and walked away.  For her, I found out later, it was one of those pieces for which she had acquired a 'scotoma'...never able to master it to her own satisfaction.

Thanks for sharing this passion of yours.

KD

@OddIsHeRU posted:

BTW, thanks DKDKRD for posting that outstanding Frederick Hohman video of the Widor Toccata.  I heard his recital at the University of Redlands many years ago, and attended his three day workshop there.

A study would affirm that the Widor Toccata is the most often performed organ piece alongside the Bach D Minor. Toccatas (Toccata ((meaning “Touch” or “finger” music), we quip, are designed to sound difficult, yet not be. Widor’s Toccata has done more than any other piece to endear the organ to audiences since he wrote it over twelve decades ago.

We are asked to play it so often, and one of my colleagues once remarked   “asking an organist to play the Widor Toccata is like asking an accordionist to play “Lady of Spain.”

The funny part is the bach toccata in d minor was likely not written by Bach (more than likely a student of his), and it also may not have been written for the organ, an article I read in one of the music magazines said there are sections of it that make no sense if written for the organ (they thought the violin)......I know, getting off topic, but given how negative the topic heading, nice to see positivity.

and of course train people like the organ, the tubes in a pipe organ resemble the various parts of a steam engine, and at times can sound like a steam whistle!

My spouse of 50 years (1971-2021) has been very supportive of my new hobby at age 79: amateur radio. KO4TIY (General Class).

@bigkid posted:

The funny part is the bach toccata in d minor may not have been written for the organ, an article I read in one of the music magazines said there are sections of it that make no sense if written for the organ (they thought the violin)......I know, getting off topic, but given how negative the topic heading, nice to see positivity.

Nah...Clearly it was written for a brass quintet!

Eh?

.

.

Another anecdote: When Southern Pacific Daylight 4449 came from Portland, OR to celebrate the 1989 50^th Anniversary of the Los Angeles Union Passenger Terminal, I had only seen it in its 1976 Freedom Train red, white, and blue. But it was now back wearing its original Daylight livery. To avoid LAUPT congestion, I drove to Santa Barbara where train and crew had spent the night.

There she was – in all her glory, and fully deserving of status as my favorite locomotive. As I walked admiringly alongside her tender, the legendary engineer Doyle McCormack stood there with a proud papa smile. I introduced myself and found him quite approachable. I had tons of steamer questions, but I began by saying that my three favorite sounds in this world were the whistle on the 4449, the horn on the Queen Mary in Long Beach, and lowest C on a 32’ Contra Bombarde organ stop. Instead of the expected puzzled look, his face lit up like the engine behind him.

“Are you into pipe organs?” he asked.

“Well, yea,” I answered. By then I had been playing in churches for four decades, and had actually installed a number of pipe organs in the 1960’s.

That was the end of any locomotive talk. Doyle seemed even more interested in organs than his beloved Queen 4449. I wondered why but then remembered he was based in Portland where a very popular fun place was the Organ Grinder Pizza parlor. This was home to a large Wurlitzer Theater Organ with a gifted staff that more than knew how to play it. Mr. McCormack knew exactly what lowest C on a 32’ Contra Bombarde organ stop sounded like.  

You are going to make me accidentally learn about pipe organs by googling the lowest C on this specific organ. I don't need another hobby/interest!

Although I like organ music, I can’t say it’s a passion for me.  My cousin on the other hand is very much a pipe organ aficionado. He has been involved with restoration of the Midmer-Losh in Atlantic City, NJ.  He invited my wife and I to a concert that he performed a few years ago.  The word impressive does not begin to describe that instrument or his talent.

@BillYo414 posted:

You are going to make me accidentally learn about pipe organs by googling the lowest C on this specific organ. I don't need another hobby/interest!

Lowest C, sounds like my college grade point average!😂

Congratulations on achieving your “pipe dreams” !!!

Great Train & layout stories too !!!

Because it is something they know nothing about, and they cant control it.... there i said it. Its okay if she spends a day with her friends but go railfanning...... ah no.

I don’t mind that my thread has been hijacked into an organ thread. In fact, it made me realize that I am so talented that I can run my trains, and play the organ at the same time. This is made easy since my organ only has one note. It’s a postwar air chime impeller driven tender organ.

Alan