Q. How many light bulbs does it take to make the MTH DCS system work?
A. Just one. But it takes a 200-page manual to figure where to put it.
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Q. How many light bulbs does it take to make the MTH DCS system work?
A. Just one. But it takes a 200-page manual to figure where to put it.
Two drunks were walking along the railroad tracks. One drunk said **** this staircase is hurtin my back. The other drunk said its not the stairs it's the low banisters.
A Marx guy, A Flyer Guy, & a Lionel guy walk in to a bar. The fellow behind the bar says "I see a tender joke here somewhere".
D500 posted:2 - I just met a 2-rail O-scaler with an open mind.
3 - I just met a 2-rail O-scaler with a sense of humor.
I just met a 3-rail O-scaler who actually wanted stuff on his layout that looks like things that existed in real life.
The term 'Joke' infers humor meaning they will be funny, some of these aren't even punny much leas funny.
As they keep coming there have been some pretty funny ones.
Well, the correct word is "imply" rather than "infer" -- no joke!
Gerry49er posted:The term 'Joke' infers humor meaning they will be funny, some of these aren't even punny much leas funny.
Some are just downright insulting, too.
...and with B Smith's reply picking on grammer word choices and such, I'm done with the lot of you.....
Howard Hitchcock.
Pete
And I can infer that some people just can't take a joke
Gerry49er posted:...some of these aren't even punny much leas funny...
"Punny," that's pretty good. (And that praise is coming from an English teacher.) I never saw that one before, so I'm putting it in the vault, to use in future, especially when I'm ready to make a pun. Yup.
FrankM
Texas Pete posted:Howard Hitchcock.
Pete
I'll see your Howard Hitchcock and I'll raise you one Gary Moreau.
SJS
"I don't want to be a third rail," says an American Flyer collector with a buddy on a date.
"The day I find a girlfriend is the day I meet a woman who loves the pink Girl's Train," says myself internally.
Pregnant woman is travelling on a train, and asks the conductor "when are we going to get there, I am due soon."
Conductor says "you shouldn't have ridden this train knowing you were pregnant"
"I wasn't pregnant when I got on the train"
(joke originally told about a narrow gauge train between Sydney and Alice Springs in the middle of the outback, legendary for its slowness).
Why don't old steam engineers like B&D? Because they have a tender behind! What railroad hauled writing items? The Pennsylvania railroad! I'll be here all week! Please try the veal and don't forget to tip your waiter! Choo Choo Kenny
Choo Choo kenny posted:
,,,! What railroad hauled writing items? The Pennsylvania railroad! ... Choo Choo Kenny
Lame. But at least you're trying.
Now I realize why we are train enthusiasts.
Serenska posted:Texas Pete posted:Howard Hitchcock.
Pete
I'll see your Howard Hitchcock and I'll raise you one Gary Moreau.
SJS
Ouch!
Serenska posted:Texas Pete posted:Howard Hitchcock.
Pete
I'll see your Howard Hitchcock and I'll raise you one Gary Moreau.
SJS
To Steve Poker Man Serenska....
I'll call, I've got an Art Peisner.
Lou N
Rather than puns and limericks, I tend go for the visual poke in the eye.
Bruce
SHRIEK !!!! I'm blinded ! Who could do such a horrible thing to a GG1?
People who can't take that would make a joke like "And Raymond Loewy rolled in his grave."
Lou N posted:Serenska posted:Texas Pete posted:Howard Hitchcock.
Pete
I'll see your Howard Hitchcock and I'll raise you one Gary Moreau.
SJS
To Steve Poker Man Serenska....
I'll call, I've got an Art Peisner.
Lou N
Is it too late to fold?
SJS
...and with B Smith's reply picking on grammer word choices and such, I'm done with the lot of you.....
Unfortunately, there is no shortage of people on this board who think its appropriate to pick on people's spelling, grammar, punctuation, and such. I am unclear on what they hope to accomplish.
I prefer to look past such things and understand what the person is trying to say.
My grammar, spelling and punctuation is far from perfect, and the errors are compounded by muscle memory. Were I producing something for work, I'd be more careful. This is an informal chat board.
hclark6345 posted:And I can infer that some people just can't take a joke
We console them with pats on the back, saying " there, their, they're "
Bruce
2 drunks were walking along and one of them fell down a open manhole down to the subway below. When he crawled back up he said Wow you ought to see that guys train set.
True story this happened this morning
A transit train hit something and they weren't sure what and stopped the train. Fearing the worst they called the authorities.
It was a opossum.
True story:
Three train fans with cameras were standing along the old SP&S in Oregon, waiting for SP 4449 to pull an excursion train past. All noted they'd only ever seen the locomotive in it's roundhouse in Portland or along the Springwater trail, never once on the high iron.
Soon, the train roared out of the tunnel nearby and in a flash, was gone. As all the fans were running to their cars to try to catch up with the train down the line, one was heard to say, "Wow, I never thought I'd get to see the Daylight at the end of the tunnel!"
There MUST be more jokes!
If your wife told you to put training wheels on your child's bicycle, and you installed a pair of Lionel scout locos, you might be an O gauger.
If your dream house has 90,000 square feet of train room and 200 square feet of eating, sleeping and bathing space, you might be an O gauger.
If your locomotives can smoke as much as they want to inside your house while your guests must go outside to do the same, you might be an O gauger.
How can you tell if a railfan is a member of a Worship & Music Committee in a church?
Look for hymns with familiar numbers: 31, 39, 89, 90, 425, 475, 611, 765 . . .
How can you tell whether that member of the Worship & Music Committee is also the pastor?
Someone tells him /her to take off that engineer's cap before worship begins.
How can you tell that railfans are having a good time at a party?
They start singing Life is Like a Mountain Railway
If you know the model number of every item Lionel ever made but can't remember your wife's birthday, you might be an O gauger.
My wife said, "Everything we do involves trains. Why can't we do something else?"
"Sure," I replied. "What would you like to do?"
"Let's go to a movie," she said.
"OK," I answered. "Which one?"
"True Lies," she suggested. "I want to see Arnold Schwarzenegger, Jamie Lee Curtis, and Tom Arnold."
We went and had a good time.
"I'm so glad we came," she said. "I could tell you enjoyed that chase with Arnold in a helicopter and Jamie in a runaway limousine."
"I sure did!" [And before my brain engaged my mouth, I added], "Those scenes were filmed on the Key West Extension of the Florida East Coast."
If you remember your anniversary and your wife's birthday year after year because they fall on important train dates, your railfanning comes in handy.
An Engineer gets on the radio with the Dispatcher. "Dispatcher, please confirm the time"
"Well, that Depends upon what road you're with" responds the Dispatcher...
The "road", what do you mean? asks the engineer....
well
If you're with the N&W its 1:17 PM and 32 seconds
If you're with the NKP its 13:17.32
If you're with the UP the little hand is on the "1" and big hand is just past the "15"
If your with the Southern, it's some time between lunch and dinner
AND if you're with Amtrak, it's Wednesday
pennytrains posted:If you know the model number of every item Lionel ever made but can't remember your wife's birthday, you might be an O gauger.
Wait ... I don't get this one.
SJS
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