ADCX Rob posted:A Marx guy, A Flyer Guy, & a Lionel guy walk in to a bar. The fellow behind the bar says "I see a tender joke here somewhere".
I don't believe it...why would train guys waste money at a bar!
Serenska posted:pennytrains posted:If you know the model number of every item Lionel ever made but can't remember your wife's birthday, you might be an O gauger.
Wait ... I don't get this one.
SJS
This and several more here....
In my own defense as regards grammar and word choices, it just seems to me that people who are so deeply concerned with the accuracy of their models and toys might wish to attend to the accuracy of their language as well. It's not really that hard.
I can't wait to get my paycheck Friday so I can buy some reefers. Har har har............
Why can't a steam engine sit down? Because its got a tender behind! Heard this at the club once....
rthomps posted:Q. How many light bulbs does it take to make the MTH DCS system work?
A. Just one. But it takes a 200-page manual to figure where to put it.
For the folks who say these jokes aren't funny, sometimes they hit a little too close to home. The truth hurts.
In WA state, they legalized pot not long ago.
But at first, most of the people walking into the marijuana stores were larger old white guys, asking what scale/gauge the "refers" they heard about were...
Upon completion of a home wellness visit, the Psychologist declared: "sir, you have Reefer Madness",
In response he said, "but doctor, I have never smoked"............
You're helping your child do their math homework.
Question #1
2-8-8-2 = ?
your child's answer was "-16"....
Oh no, no, no, no you say...you erased their answer and changed it to "Compound Mallet"
More jokes, please. :-)
In keeping with last week's Menard's teaser,
Sarah Jessica Parker walks into a bar.....
The bartender says, "Sarah, why the long face?"
"You can't get cornered in a roundhouse!"
Where else but at a train show can you see grown men having this discussion.
Table seller: Would you like to buy that Lionel barrel loader?
Train Collector: Yes its in pretty good shape, but I'm not sure that it has the original man on it!
Table Seller: Well they are hard to find with the original man but Ill tell you what I'll do........
I guess that many model train enthusiasts are stuck in their childhood days.
old Dave Allen funny...
Two drunk buddies stagger around downtown. Upon approaching a major intersection, Joe crosses the street whereas Jack stumbles down the subway entrance stairs. As Joe mounts the opposite sidewalk, he spots Jack crawling up the subway entrance on that side of the street and questions him, "where did you go?"
Jack slurs out, " I was just in some guy's basement, Joe...and you should see the size of his layout! "
Bruce
DCS works
What do you call a Model Train Layout?
A Play-Station
yuk yuk
A cow catcher on a diesel?? We'd never get caught.
As you can tell, this is Lionel Standard Gauge. The track gang is trying to mentally reconcile the size of the turntable with the size of the locomotives.
"Acela"
A Lionel collector said to himself (Hmm I sure like this original postwar Hudson.....but I might trade it for a legacy engine)..........this probably isn't funny but I tried.
Have you heard the old adage about model railroads?
If it works fix it!
Haha, some dry humor, some funny jokes, and a few groaners. I nominate this one for the biggest groan:
"....and what does that have to do with railroad accidents? The next day the headliner in the local paper said "Preacher killed while coupling Carrs." 
I love the groaners.
From the other side of the pond:
As I entered the train station, I glanced at the clock and realized I'd probably missed my train by at least 10 minutes. No big deal, I was pretty sure they were every 15 or 30 minutes.
I approach the ticket kiosk and the following conversation takes place:
Him: "Yes mate?"
Me: "Return ticket to Derp please."
Him: "£3.40 please."
Me - hands him the cash and as he prints off the tickets I say
Me: "Any idea how the long the next train will be?"
Him: -without missing a beat- "They're usually 3 to 5 carriages."
Santa only says ho ho ho 'cause the sack was too heavy
Having just read the entire post for the first time I guess that earns me the right to be a critic. The entire 2nd page was hilarious. I chuckled all the way through it. I appreciate the humor. I wish I had something to add as far as a joke. Anyway, great job page 2 guys. Cheers.
Someone breathed new life into this topic. This is another true story.....
PRR mainline from Cleveland went thru a southeast suburb called Maple Heights. A local had its locomotive front truck derail under Dunham Road bridge. The work crews came out and the trainmaster arrived and was none too pleased. A reporter from the Maple Heights Press asked the TM what had happened. Without a moments hesitation he replied, "the engineer swerved to miss a deer". And the next day in print there was the infamous quote.
Lou N
Books for the model railroader:
How to be successful selling O-Gauge starter sets using only a NASCAR license By Jerry C.
Ethics in Model Railroading by Bob Grubba
How to maintain your Acela in 200 easy steps published by OGR
Paradise Lost by Maury Kline
I can stop buying trains anytime I want by Scott Smith
How to market a public train show by TCA Eastern Division
Cows in heat: an in-depth manual on Lionels cattle sound car.
pennytrains posted:It works perfectly every time, just like the milk car!
My operating cattle car and cattle coral works like a Swiss watch!
I bought a 700 E Hudson set in mint condition with all the boxes and inserts in perfect condition at a garage sale for $100.
bigkid posted:Pregnant woman is travelling on a train, and asks the conductor "when are we going to get there, I am due soon."
Conductor says "you shouldn't have ridden this train knowing you were pregnant"
"I wasn't pregnant when I got on the train"
(joke originally told about a narrow gauge train between Sydney and Alice Springs in the middle of the outback, legendary for its slowness).
This joke is the best.
Here is a real knee slapper:
Lionel’s quality control.
Did you hear about the man who was killed by a weasel?
He was walking down the railroad tracks and didn't hear the 'weasel'.
Max, that’s not haha funny but more like touchy uncle funny
Get ready for a very funny joke. Take a look at the wiring of my layout:
How is that for self-deprecating humor.
Believe it or not, by some miracle this rat's nest works, and has worked for over 10 years. But am I ever screwed if I ever get a short circuit because of the wiring. It will be impossible to fix it. If that happens, I'll have to completely get rid of this rat's nest and start over from scratch. My back aches just thinking about that
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It may be a rat's nest, but it's your rat's nest. Any rat I know would be proud of that nest. Bravo!
An old lady, an attractive young woman, an army private, and an army general were riding in a train compartment on a train running through Switzerland. The train raced into a dark tunnel and the compartment lights went out. Suddenly, everyone in the compartment heard a very loud kiss followed by the sound of a firmly delivered slap.
As the train emerged from the tunnel the old lady looked at the young woman and thought , "Good girl! She couldn't see that coming but she sure let him know she wouldn't stand for it."
The young woman thought, "I wonder why he kissed the old lady?"
The general thought, "Great, he kisses the girl and I get slapped!"
...and the private thought, "Is this great or what - kiss the back of your hand, slap a general, and get away with it!"
William 1 posted:It may be a rat's nest, but it's your rat's nest. Any rat I know would be proud of that nest. Bravo!
Now that's a very funny reply. Got me laughing hysterically.
Originally posted by BANDOB:
If my model railroad ran in a circle, would it be an O?
If I stood in the middle of it and looked down, would I see an O?
NO- HO unless you have Eyes in the back of your head like a fly!
Train lovers like a tender behind!!!!!!!
But Phil, if you spank it to make it tender, isn't that "Bringing up the Markers"?
By the way, what happened to the haiku?
