Jokes only people in our hobby would get

A Lionel guy was looking at some American Flyer...

An American Flyer guy was looking at Lionel... then walked away. 

(hey some things don't change, even after 70 years)

Jerry

Not a joke just a coment from an Lionel guy. Him watching my 1948 Hudson running around the track and smoking up a storm. His remark. Wow ! American Flyer did have better smoke than Lionel.

Not a belly-laugh....but maybe smile-worthy...

Hey honey, do you mind if I take up less space with the layout and make it smaller?

Honey I'm going to sell all my trains so you can buy more purses and shoes

I'm collecting Proto:48 Marx

It works perfectly every time, just like the milk car!

This is a true story............

I had designed a stand alone digital sound board with barnyard sounds, diesel roar, and steam whistles for Right of Way Industries.  There was a demo board with all available sounds at York and you could push the labeled button and then hear the sound.  People had a lot of fun listening and we sold some boards.

One of the whistle boards was labelled "Daylight Whistle" which it truly was, a digitized Southern Pacific Daylight whistle.  One gentleman played the sound, listening very carefully, and then pushed the button again.

With a puzzled look he turned to me and said "what kind of whistle do they use at night?"

Lou N

I have a old layout book that shows a drawing of a layout that shows what many HO guys think of us.

It has a station that says Los Angeles and a airport that says New York I didn't try to find the book but I remember some terribly out of scale figures, a toy like  mountain with a impossible road going up and over it.

One more from the demo board............

Right of Way Industries was in a cavernous old building in downtown Akron.  One evening Bill was calling out "All Aboard" to record digitally.  It echoed nicely.  We were joking around and I suggested him calling out:  "Hey Axx-xxxe, Don't touch the trains.  I digitized this and we put a button on the demo board that said "don't touch this button" 

So here comes the first guy that spots and presses this button; his high white collar on and a big cross on a chain around his neck----a priest!

Lou N

After an evening of running trains many model railroaders will have a tender behind.

...and that ever present license plate bracket with the statement - "My other car is a Pullman"

I just though of this

I walked out of York without spending a dime! Ba-dum Tss!

I'm going to York just to look.

SJS

An elderly lady was rushing towards a series of railroad platforms when she spotted a young station agent walking towards her.  She rushed up to him and asked, " Tell me young man which way do I go to catch the train to New York?" He smiled and said," Go left and you'll be right!"  She responded, "Don't get smart with me!" To which he replied, "Ok, go right and you'll be left."

A 30-something single woman wasn't feeling well one day, so she went to her doctor. The doctor ran some tests, got the results and said to her, "I have good news and bad news. The bad news: you're very sick, there's nothing we can do about it, and you have about 6 months to live. The good news: I want you to go home, join every internet dating service you can, find a single train collector and marry him." She says to her doctor, "Wow, that's great-- I had no idea being married to a train collector would make me live longer!" Her doctor replies, "Well, it won't, but it will seem like it."

An old joke:

My wife told me that she is going to divorce me if I buy another train.  I am sure going to miss her.

NH Joe

Once again a true story but it requires touch up so it doesn't get deleted. 

It was Thursday night at York and we had just completed setting up the 16 x44 Right of Way layout in the Gold Hall. Everyone was cold and hungry and tired and the jokes started as we stood around outside. 

Here's the sanitized story.  A girl has dating issues and decides to see a doctor to determine the problem. After a thorough examination by an old German doctor (accent required for the joke) he pronounces she has Zockley disease. Honey, he says, your face looks Zockley like your xxx. 

So we're laughing and I said maybe some day we can name a passenger car "Zockley".  Or how about Mount Zockley???

Fast forward 2 years and we're making passenger cars. The C&O observation does not have a name!!  So i suggest Mount Zockley from the old joke 2 years ago. 

Next time you see a set of these cars on eBay look closely at the name on the observation.  There was a set last month and the picture portrayed Mt Zockley quite clearly. 

Regards,

Lou N

A three rail club was showing off it's travelling layout at a show and running the trains very slowly...

No one has ever banged their head while working on their layout...  ba-dum Tssss

My LHS has much better deals than the Internet... ba-dum tsss

Atlas is shipping the dash 8's... ba-dum tsss

David is preordering something out of the Lionel 2017 signature catalog... Ba-dum tsss

Hey, Max.  Don't drop out of school to become a comedian.  Ba-dum Tss!

What, me worry?

This one is ancient:  A guy from Texas was talking to a group of people about his state and he said, " Why you can get on a train in the morning, ride all day and all night and you'll still be in Texas the next morning."  Another guy in the group said, "Yeah, I know - we have slow trains like that in Rhode Island too."

This may not fit the category perfectly but I saw this on The Big Bang Theory the other night. Sheldon asked Howard if he could fix his steam engine. He explained it doesn't smoke anymore. Then Sheldon says,"Did you know the second leading cause of death among train enthusiasts is locomotive smoke?" Howard says,"What is number 1?" "Obesity."

A little boy was standing on a bridge looking down on the tracks when a passenger train rushed by below, pulled by an F-3 A-B-A set.  Looking up at his dad, he asked,       "that's the two dummy units behind the engine, right?"

A man walks up to a drunk and asks, "Crosstown trolleys run all night?"  The drunk thought for a moment, and replied, "doo-dah, doo-dah."

     Hoppy

If my model railroad ran in a circle, would it be an O?

If I stood in the middle of it and looked down, would I see an O?

Q. How can you tell I just ran my trains?

A: You can see their tracks.

New Haven Joe posted:

An old joke:

My wife told me that she is going to divorce me if I buy another train.  I am sure going to miss her.

NH Joe

The way I heard it was:  "I got a train for my wife!  Good trade..."

Rusty

What's the difference between 2 and 3 rail O gauge model railroaders?

The 2 rail guys are too cheap to install the 3rd rail.

NH Joe

Sorry guys. Some of these aren't even jokes they're just lame...

Gerry49er posted:

Sorry guys. Some of these aren't even jokes they're just lame...

That's the funniest one so far!  

SJS

Maxrailroad posted:

 

Lionel's prices are going down. Ba-dum Tss!

And Menard's rolling stock is overpriced.

1 - I just met this American Flyer guy looking at Lionel track and he didn't point out that it has 3 rails. 

2 - I just met a 2-rail O-scaler with an open mind.

3 - I just met a 2-rail O-scaler with a sense of humor.

I like the one about being too cheap to install a third rail (and I'm a 2-rail guy). I spent the money on longer ties for my 5-foot gauge track ... 

Gerry49er posted:

Sorry guys. Some of these aren't even jokes they're just lame...

I agree. Most people won't understand these jokes because they....lack.....      .....sufficient........training.

.....d'oh

.

Although there were a couple of good ones in there, it's still mostly not funny in the least...

Gerry49er posted:

Although there were a couple of good ones in there, it's still mostly not funny in the least...

Gerry49er,

I am looking forward to reading your joke or jokes.

NH Joe

Gerry49er posted:

Although there were a couple of good ones in there, it's still mostly not funny in the least...

Who said they had to be funny? They just have be something people in our hobby would understand. LOL 

I like 'em all.

What stinks?  Model railroaders trying to do stand-up comedy.  LOL  Now that's FUNNY!!!!!!!

Rick

OK, guys so you want some real jokes?.........(hope the 1st one passes the PG rating...)

What do Breasts and Lionel Trains have in common?????????????

They're both originally intended for the Kids, but the Dads end up playing with them!!!!!!!!

How do make a million bucks selling collectible Lionel Trains ??

Start with two million dollars worth of trains.

Buying trains off of eBay, you'll always get a West Virginia warranty.

If it breaks, you get to keep both pieces.

Slow trains

1. I once rode on a train that traveled so slow it drove one of the passengers to attempted suicide.  He ran ahead about a half a mile and laid down on the tracks. He starved to death before the train got there.

2.  A lady asked, "Conductor, can't this train make any better time than this?" He said, "If you ain't satisfied with this train, you can get off and walk." She said she would, only her folks didn't expect her till the train got there.

3.  Have you noticed the number of railroad accidents that have happened lately? Just the other night at a wedding it so happened that a Johnny Carr was going to be married to a young lady of the same name. Just as the preacher was pronouncing the ceremony a rifle ball came through the window, struck the preacher and killed him....and what does that have to do with railroad accidents?  The next day the headliner in the local paper said "Preacher killed while coupling Carrs."

- From - On a Slow Train Through Arkansaw - Jackson